Willow Me This, Willow Me That

Submitted by Mia:

Lloyd and I met in a park.  He struck up a conversation with me while I was reading a magazine, and we clicked instantly.  By the time he left, it hadn't even occurred to me that we had been speaking for over an hour.  During that time, I had given him my number.  A couple of days later, he asked me out on a proper date.

He brought flowers, which was a magnanimous gesture.  To drive home the point, he said, "I brought flowers.  That was nice of me, right?"

Red flag.  Or maybe he was nervous.  I thanked him for the flowers.

These thoughts were fleeting, as I looked over his shoulder to see his car.  The rear passenger seat door was... well, it wasn't there.  A tangled mess of stretched-over garbage bags and duct tape covered the area where a door would be.

"It was taken out after a collision with a motorcyclist," he explained, "It was hysterical."

I asked, "Was the motorcyclist all right?"

He said, "Nope.  Ready to go?"

I had a grilled chicken salad for dinner and he had steak tips.  He said, "My Aunt Rose could make better steak tips, and her steak tips are shitty."

I suggested that he order something else, and he replied, "My Aunt Rose has huge tits.  Ever wonder what that would be like?"

I wasn't sure if he was trying to be insulting or trying to make conversation.  I assumed the best of him and replied, "Yes.  Probably a terrible nuisance."

"Not for me," he said.

"You'd like large breasts?"

"In my mouth, yeah," he said, scarfing down a colossal mouthful of steak tips.  "Speaking of, I have an idea for something fun we could do after dinner."

My tension must've been obvious, because he followed up with, "Don't worry.  Nothing physical.  Just something I discovered recently on another date.  Not with you."

You don't say?  Very well.

After dinner, he took me to a small park with a big weeping willow tree.  We ducked under it and sat down.  It was pretty neat, but dark and a little too far away from other people for my liking.

I didn't have to worry about my safety, as it turned out.  He sat down next to me, then jumped up and said, "Brilliant!"  He grabbed at some of the dangling branches and asked me to help him collect them.  I asked him why, but he said simply that I'd love the idea.

We gathered up a whole bunch, and he led me to his car, where he tore off the garbage bags and duct tape over his door-hole.  He then took out some tape and began taping willow branches down the length of the door.

He said, "I can't believe that I never thought of this before."

About a half-hour later, we were done, and his door looked about as insane as you can imagine, but I had never seen anything like it before, so maybe it was a good idea.  He stepped back and evaluated it.

"Damn it," he said, cradling his head, "It's not strong enough.  I want to rebuild it, but it's getting late.  Want to get home?"

I did.  He drove me home and said, "Let me know if you'd want to hang out again.  I promise to get it fixed before the next time.  Probably with an actual door."

I will certainly call him if I ever feel the need to hang out again.