Who Wore Short Shorts?

Submitted by Joe:

Corinne was a dancer (in a regional troupe) who I met on the Internet. She came across as serious about her work, but also as someone who was able to relax during down time. Down time which, according to her, came far too rarely.

For a first date, I suggested that we do an early dinner. She had other ideas.

"Let's go to the mall!" she said.

So we went to the mall and walked around. She was absolutely stunning in person. I could imagine her dancing not only onstage, but also all over my bedroom.

We passed by the usual stores when she turned and asked, "Is it cool if I try on one or two things at Banana Republic?"

I had a feeling that "one or two things" meant "dozens of things" and that "Banana Republic" meant "everywhere." In any event, I told her to go for it, provided that we could do dinner sooner rather than later.

She took a couple of skimpy outfits into the dressing room that I had hoped she'd model for me.

She didn't come out for some time. When she did, she looked a bit shaken. I asked her if everything was okay, and she didn't respond. She put the outfits back up on the racks and we left.

She didn't say a word until we were out of the mall, when she turned to me and asked, "Am I fat?"

"Of course not," I said, automatically and truthfully.

She lifted up her blouse a bit to show off her stomach. What a beautiful stomach she had. She tapped it. "You're just saying that," she said, then rolled her shirt back down. "Don't you lie to me."

"I'm not. You're one of the least fattest people I know."

She said, "So you're saying I am fat, but just one of the least fat. Thanks, Joe."

She sped up and ahead of me along the sidewalk. I hurried to catch up. I said, "You're not fat at all! That's not how it was meant! Can we just do dinner, please?"

She spun to me and said, "Dinner will make me fat!"

I said, "I think you're fine. Let's just have dinner."

"No," she said, "I'm going back to the mall. There was something wrong with those shorts I tried on. You'll see."

I said, "No. I want to do dinner. We already did what you wanted to do.  Now I want to do dinner."

"What you want to do?  What you want to do?" she repeated as if trying to find hidden meaning.  "What you want to do doesn't matter.  I'm going back there with or without you."

"Fine.  Let's go back," I acquiesced.

She smiled and started back to the mall.  Then I said, "On second thought... bye," and I walked away from her.