Check the Number and Don't Dial Again

Submitted by Wendy:

My date with Rich was off-putting, but more so was what happened after.

I met him online.  His music choices were what piqued my interest at first, followed by his sense of humor.  He worked for a medical equipment company, which wasn't the humorous part, and also was an aspiring stand-up comic.

Online, then over the phone, he did indeed make me laugh.  Why not meet and see if there's a connection?

He took me out to a restaurant.  Soon after we sat down, he slammed down two beers faster than you could say, "You're a drunk."

"Helps me loosen up," he explained, "Don't worry, I can hold it."

I've heard that twice before from other guys (both of whom couldn't hold it), and soon Rich was loud and obnoxious, but I focused on having a good time.  He didn't make me feel uncomfortable, aside from the fact that he addressed precisely half of his statements to my chest.

After dinner, we parted ways (it was a work night, after all), and on my way home, I received a text from him:

"SASASASASASASASASAAAA."

It was such a strange message, I wondered if it was a technical error on the part of his phone.  I ignored it, figuring that if he had anything intelligible to say, then I would respond to that.

I didn't have long to wait.  Another message arrived.

"DUDE THE GIRL I JUST MET WAS FIIIINE."

Uh oh.  Well, mistakes happen, and sometimes they're of the flattering variety.  I typed out, "Hey, Rich.  Wendy here.  I think you meant for that last message to go to–"

Then, before I could complete it, the following arrived:

"I WANT TO GO BUTTRAPE ON HER."

After picking my face up from the ground, I decided to handle it with a good sense of humor.  I wrote, "Thanks for the compliment, Rich.  You've been sending these texts to me, Wendy, by the way."

I can't imagine what sort of reaction he must have had.

I didn't hear from him until about three weeks later.  A simple text arrived that read, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it!" was my response, but at that point, I was already dating someone new.  It didn't matter anyway, as that was the last I heard from him.