Submitted by Jeff:
Hayley worked as a coordinator in the English department of a local college. She was also into ceramics, and sent me pictures of her work. It was good. She offered to show me her studio at the college, as part of a first-date kind of thing. Sounded good to me.
We met up at the college, she showed me her work, and somehow or other, we ended up with lights and clothes off.
"Hey," she pointed to the walk-in kiln at the other end of the room, "Want to go in there?"
I couldn't think of anything much hotter than doing it in a kiln, so I agreed to the plan at once. We went inside, kept the door open, and were at it for a while.
Of course, if things had gone well from there, you wouldn't be reading this.
A minute or two after our post-orgasm reverie, she said, "Get off of me."
A little confused, but definitely compliant to a woman's demand to remove myself from her, I peeled myself away. I asked, "You okay?"
She snapped, "Are you fucking crazy? Doing it in a kiln? Do you have any idea how hot these things get? We could've died!"
It was such an outlandish statement that I wondered if I had heard it right.
"This was your idea," I reminded her.
"That you went along with!" she reminded me.
Was she crazy? "Are you crazy?" I asked.
"Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of my studio," she said, storming out towards her clothes, "Get the fuck out."
I had never experienced anything like this, and went for my own clothes when she grabbed a handful of them and threw them towards the room door. "Get out," she repeated, pulling on her pants.
I could've asked her what her problem(s) was/were and tried to save the situation. Then I realized that I didn't want to save it and that I didn't want to be around her for another second.
I grabbed my stuff, sneaked into the hallway, found a men's room, dressed in there, and took off. Unsure what it was all about. Any ideas?
She is crazy. That's my idea.
ReplyDeleteI don't think this was anything more complicated than your typical post-coital regret -- she was turned on by it, but once you were done, she realized that it was a kind of a dumb and risky, maybe even dangerous thing to do. It's not that different from deciding to go without a condom and then freaking out once the orgasms have flushed out the stupidity, for example. At that point guilt and regret enter the picture, and a lot of people shift 'em over to the other person. It's a particularly common thing in relationships with people who have a religious background and have been taught that God hates you if you enjoy sex, so they compensate by turning nasty once it's over -- it must've been the other person's fault! Granted, fucking in a kiln is an interesting take on the concept, but I think the reaction's pretty much the same.
ReplyDeleteHer mother was killed by a kiln, and she just remembered?
ReplyDeleteHer dog was killed by a kiln, and she just remembered?
She is a kiln and she just remembered?
The sex was terrible?
You suck at writing Internet fiction.
ReplyDeleteThat is my idea.
^Hater be gone.
ReplyDelete"Of course, if things had gone well from there, you wouldn't be reading this." This is the most self-aware sentence EVER to appear on this website.
I'm with the first anon: she had a bad case of the crazy bitches, and you dodged a bullet. At least you got to check off "sex in a kiln" on your bucket list!
OP, sorry you were "thrawan" off. Were you at least able to give her a ceramic glaze for your troubles? Maybe put it in her pottery barn? :)
ReplyDelete"Ceramic glaze." Like what you did there! :)
ReplyDeleteThe sex was bad, get over it!
ReplyDeleteC'mon Jeff, come clean with us. What did she see when you took your clothes off that you hadn't told her about ahead of time, and should have?
ReplyDeleteJa, she's crazy & crazy doesn't need a 'why'. It's out there, it happens, it'll probably happen again, you can't rationalize or reason with it, just move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteWell here's an unfortunate example, Morpheus (Fishburne) from The Matrix films has a 19 year old daughter & she's decided to get into porn.. crazy happens.
ReplyDeleteWhy is getting pissed at OP for going along with it when it was her idea?
ReplyDeleteI agree- post-coital regret. In her mind, the story is now, "He really really wanted to do it in the kiln, so even though I knew it was a terrible idea, I begrudgingly went along with it." It's a way of preserving your own self-image or something.
ReplyDelete@7:29 You must be new here, this isn't even bad compared to some of the crazier dates on this site. There is the buy me a $600 hat girl, the I'll blow you for a lift girl, the trail of roses leading to my crotch guy, just to name a few. Morpheus' daughter is a porn star now, parenting fail. FHL
ReplyDelete"I couldn't think of anything much hotter than doing it in a kiln"
ReplyDelete"I grabbed my stuff, sneaked into the hallway, found a men's room, dressed in there, and took off"
Do these two quotes not make anyone think this is horseshit?
Kidda
This sounds like a great date to me... You never had to call her back after sex. I may start doing this to the people I have sex with.
ReplyDeleteShe Definately had a case of the Crazies! Just be grateful you escaped without the hassle of a relationship..or worse.. third degree burns on your Junk!
ReplyDeleteAgree with post-coital regret angle. Maybe it also had something to do with the fact that the kiln was in her studio which is in her workplace, if I'm not mistaken.
ReplyDeleteShe suddenly realises she's shagged someone at her place of work, and feels stupid - maybe she'll get fired! So, she takes it out on the OP.
Hey, Jeff. For what it's worth, I think the lady is a freakin' nutbar and you don't need someone like that for a partner. Also, who wants third-degree burns on their "lowers"? You dodged a bullet
ReplyDeleteWow WTF
ReplyDeleteAnybody who has worked with ceramics knows that vessels/objects can turn out differently than expected. The usual procedure is to chuck mistakes and start something new.
ReplyDeleteJust think if every woman who had sex in car realized how many people perish auto accidents. Far more dangerous than kilns.
"You just jizzed in me! Shit, tens of thousands of people die in car accidents each year. What were you f-ing thinking?"
Post coital regret:
How do women feel when it's over and some strange guy's semen is leaking out and all there are course paper towels to wipe up?
who are you people? and where is my horse?
ReplyDeleteWho cares? You got a 'nut' so to speak. Screw her. No pun intened because you already did.
ReplyDeletemaybe she didnt like the color/texture/flavor of the 'glaze' you used on her 'pottery'.
ReplyDeletewhat's a kiln??
ReplyDeleteWho's Morpheus and what's a kiln?
ReplyDeleteIt's called Google.
Also, are you just trollin'? Because that's sad.
whats a google? sounds painful.
ReplyDelete^It's the distance in miles from your mom's taint to her clit. Lawrence of Labia was trying to cross it but hasn't been heard from. I hear it IS painful.
ReplyDelete