Submitted by Rene:
I had just moved to a new small town. Wanting to find someone to hang out with, I resorted to the Internet.
Ben messaged me, and I was rather reluctant to respond, because the pictures on his profile were that of a famous wrestler. That should have been my first clue. Nevertheless, his profile essays sounded sincere and down to earth.
We exchanged e-mails for a few days before I was comfortable enough to give him my phone number. When he called me, the voice on the other end sounded a lot older than his profile stated he was, so I asked him to e-mail me some recent pictures of himself.
The shots he sent were blurry and at a bad angle, but he appeared to be cute. I told him so. Big mistake. Not only did he sound surprised that I told him that, but he expressed that nobody had ever called him cute before. That should have been my second clue.
We set up a movie date and agreed to meet in the theater parking lot. When I spotted him, I wished that I could have jumped back into my truck and taken off. He looked completely different from what he appeared to be in the pictures he had sent over.
Oh well, what could one movie hurt? This was the only theatre in town, and I really wanted to see the film.
As we walked to the ticket booth, he grabbed for my hand. I politely told him that we just met, and I didn't think that sort of thing was appropriate just yet.
Once the film started, he put his arm around me. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with him doing that. A little while into the movie, he reached for my hand again. I moved my hand away. He tried the arm around my shoulders again. I told him that I thought he was a nice guy, but if he didn't stop making me feel uncomfortable, I would move to another seat.
At the end of the movie, a very funny part came up, and he laughed so hard that a jet of snot shot out of his nose. I saw it peripherally and tried my best to ignore it.
After the film was over, he walked me to my truck. I said my goodbye, told him that it was nice to have met him, and turned to unlock my door. He asked if he could at least have a hug.
It was then that I looked closer at his face and discovered the huge glob of snot glistening from his nose to the side of his cheek!
He leaned in to kiss me, and I jumped back. I told him that that was way beyond anything I do on a first date (with him, anyway), said goodbye again, and left.
Before I even got home, he had texted me four times telling me that he had a great time and couldn't wait to see me again.
After a week of his constant texts, I finally just told him that I didn't think we were a good match and wished him the best.
It was a total cunt thing to do not to tell him he had snot all over his face. I hope to God you paid for your own ticket so you have some redeeming quality.
ReplyDeleteHaha, he sent you pictures with "the angles."
ReplyDeleteIf anyone only sends you pictures with "the angles," don't ever meet them in person. They're a wildebeest.
terrible story... just awful
ReplyDeleteThis was snot funny...it was hilarious
ReplyDeleteDefinitely should have told him about the snot. It happens. He must have been mortified when he found it later.
ReplyDeleteDoes this nikki girl do anything but blame the OP for the bad date?
ReplyDeleteI have sided on the OP's side on more than one occasion. But I know a cunt when I read a story told by one, and this girl was a cunt. I dislike posters who write up stories trying to make their dates seem SOOOO traumatic, when really, if they had just used common sense and human decency, things could have gone smoother.
ReplyDeleteIn all fairness, Nikki - over the last few days, judging by the comments, you don't sound too happy.
ReplyDeleteI hope all's well.
its called PMS Feainnewedd
ReplyDeleteitll be over soon.
YAWWWWWWWWNNNN.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete*grabs tissue* Thanks, JD!
ReplyDeleteNot PMSing, everyone, but thanks for the concern. Work is stressful, and since this is a brilliant outlet for relieving and misdirecting tension and anger, I've been unleashing my silent fury here instead of on my coworker.
"When I spotted him, I wished that I could have jumped back into my truck and taken off. He looked completely different from what he appeared to be in the pictures he had sent over."
ReplyDeleteAh so what did he look like? I'm imagining a chubby guy wearing a wrestling outfit and a mangled kind of a nose, coke bottle glasses, spiky hair, and disturbingly fat, moist lips.
This story was so full of cliches: "big mistake", "first clue". But nothing much happened. If the guy had picked his nose and she had caught him feeding it to her pet dog, OK, bad date.
ReplyDeleteNikki, sorry you're feeling down. Your co-worker wouldn't dare cross you if (s)he knew who you were in real life.
You should have told him about the snot.
ReplyDeleteHe should have given an UNambiguous picture...but then, if he's really that bad-looking, he probably knows that if he gave out his picture she won't go out with him. He seems nice, maybe just needs to be taught that no means no...
Nikki we like you...maybe that's the reason the anons always try to get you.
Ben needs a wrestler name. The Ultimate Booger? Hackcough SCHPLURRFFFFF!!
ReplyDeleteI am surprised how desperate this woman is for a date - the guy has photo of a wrestler on it. Wow. Just Wow.
rifraf - El Ben is well known in Mexican Wrestling circles. His unitard spandex left little to the imagination, even removing the mask did little to shift attention away from his poppy-out belly button.
ReplyDeleteTo future posters:
ReplyDeleteJust because the date you went on wasn't with the most amazing person, does not make it a bad date. If you go on a date and it is anything like the post you have just read, stop and think: "Do I think this is a bad date because something awful happened to me? Or do I think this is a bad date because it didn't quite meet my expectations?"
If you're thinking it's more along the lines of the latter, don't bitch about it in a blog. Nobody gives a shit.
10:04PM nailed it. Not funny at all, and boring.
ReplyDelete10:04 pins the tail on the donkey..
ReplyDeleteHooray for 10:04 for saying eloquently what so many of us have been bitching about for weeks now.
ReplyDelete5:01 - Just because I have a dick in a jar on my bedside table doesn't make me a man. It makes me a man-eater. And real women can say "cunt." It's a good word, and in the UK (where I don't live, true), it's not considered nearly as filthy as it is here in the puritan US.
5:04 - No, the guy def should have listened to her when she said that she was uncomfortable, but the bitch should never have gone on this date at all. And I firmly stand by my belief that only under extreme circumstances are you relieved of the obligation of human decency that requires you to tell someone they have a big gob of boogers on their face. Yes, this guy was grabby and disrespectful, but he wasn't so terrible that he deserved to be embarrassed in public and then kept in the dark as to why he was such a terrible date. But that's a point of contention that will never be resolved on this site: whether or not someone has an obligation to tell their date exactly what went wrong so it can be a learning experience for them in the future.
Oh, and 7:32? Thanks for your pity. Glad to know someone cares. *tear*
Nikki, I think it might be time you got yourself a date. I don’t think you even have a job, I think you’re more likely to be overweight, living a sad existence, with only other peoples bad dates to release your jealousy. Try Match.com, it might make you a nicer person.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know. In the UK using the word 'c**t' is considered one of the worst things a man or women can say. Only jobless, trashy, lower than lower people use that word. Decent people have a far better range in their vocabulary.
Oh, and I'm from the UK.
Well, I guess my British friends are jobless, trashy, and lower than low. Hrmm. Learn something new every day.
ReplyDeleteYou can think about me in whatever ways you'd like, 10:43, but your description is a sad, far cry from the truth. Here's a shocking news break for you: NOT EVERYONE WHO TROLLS IS OVERWEIGHT, PATHETIC, UNEMPLOYED, AND ALONE. Some of us are a healthy weight, in happy relationships with significant others and close friends, lead fulfilling lives away from the computer, and have jobs that, while they pay the bills, aren't very time-consuming or emotionally-fulfilling. (I've gotta pay off my student loans somehow!) Some trolls--and again, I know that this will come as a shock, so you might want to sit down with a cool, damp towel on your head first--just like talking shit about people they'll never meet on the Internet. As a matter of fact, that's what you're doing right now! It feels good, doesn't it? It's fun to sound superior to someone every now and then in a safe setting where other people are just as nasty, although sometimes not as coherent.
And for the record, were I single, I would never go to Match.com or any of the major sites. I'm not a fan of their stance against the option of homosexual relationships. Until my gay friends can have creepy internet dates like normal people, I'd prefer to meet potential mates the good old fashioned way: drunken orgies at Fizzik's vagina club.
I think I just felt touched by a ray of warm humanity from Nikki ...no, just the warm spit of minimum wage frustration on my neck.
ReplyDeleteWhy you would feel OK about attack and swear at people you will never meet? You either work as a pilot of a Stealth bomber, or a gift wrapper at Amazon.
My money's Stealth bomber - I would probably call people a "C*NT" if I bombed the hospital rather than Osama's hide out and got demoted to the bomb factory.
Either way, I am pleased your trailer doesn't have wheels. You sound like a scary ball of road rage.
<-- I'm also an internet troll that's quite handsome. I don't date, because I like having sex with tons of people too much, but this also doesn't make me unhappy. I've got a great job, which happens to leave me a lot of spare time in front of a computer while my computer code is compiling. I've got great friends that love my harsh sense of humor. I have my own beautiful downtown apartment in the city I troll in, and miraculously all my bills are paid with enough left over for me to indulge in alcohol and other what-nots. I guess the difference between Nikki and myself is that I troll in real life as well. I just enjoy seeing reactions of other people when you call them an oozy cunt, or talk about how I slept with their father (because chances are, I have), etc etc. Oh, and she's into the whole 'significant other' thing. I prefer insignificant others that don't do crazy things like ask to stay the night or anything.
ReplyDelete@Nikki: I'm dishwasher at "Fizzik's Vagina Club". Not just because I'm half-Asian and the pay is cheap like the owners, but because sometimes washing the dental dam of dignity over and over again gets easier when I look at the patrons and think, "Why God? Why can't I be the sucker fish to this chumbucket of selachimorphic masturbation goodness!?"
ReplyDeleteAhem, if I may: I've actually met Nikki and even though she is a completely obese troll, she is not single nor is she a cunt....CUNT CUNT CUNT (There I said it). Her relationship with her significant other, Fizziks, is a perfectly valid one and shame on you all for casting your derision on one of the ABCOTD Clique!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though Nikki, The OP was a cunt and you are awesome. Don't let the trolls get you down because we all know they are mental patients chained in front of computers logged on to this website. It's just a race to see weather they or the monkeys that are their competition can bang out a worth while comment first.
Aw, thanks, Architect. I'm glad there's someone out there who's fighting for my right to marry Fizzik's vagina! <3
ReplyDelete