Keep Ahead of the Competition

Submitted by Neil:

Alana was freshly out of a long-term relationship and was slowly, carefully, testing the waters of online dating.  I found her profile, liked what I read, and thought her one of the prettiest girls with long brown hair who I had seen in a while.

She seemed sensitive, but receptive to meeting new people and seeing how things went.  She told me that I'd be the first guy she had been on a date with since her last boyfriend.  I promised her that I'd take things slow and let her set the pace.

She set the time and place for our date, a little mom and pop coffee shop on the main street, and I arrived early.  Then she showed up.

Remember that long brown hair I had mentioned?  Well, Alana showed up stark bald, and not just regular bald.  She showed up bald and sported a giant, dark blue, symbol-tattoo thing on top of her head.  It looked like a stylized letter M with claws sticking out of each of its prongs.  Wow.

I very nearly didn't recognize her when she stood next to me and introduced herself.  It took a moment to register who she was, and then of course I smiled and greeted her, although I was puzzled.

We ordered our drinks and sat down.  I asked her what was with the head tattoo.  She said that it was a symbol that her ex-boyfriend had created, and that she liked it.  She informed me that the design was temporary, like a henna tattoo.

"When did you apply it?" I asked.

She said, "A couple of days ago."

That's where the conversation ended, because at that moment, she looked towards the front door and stood up as a tall, weedy guy entered, sporting a trench coat and a vague mustache.

"There he is," she said, and stood up to meet him.

Of course, she must have planned this all out.  I watched from the table as she walked over to him.  He saw her, and I have to confess that I never want to see a look of horror cross a man's face the way that I saw one spill across this guy's.  He jumped back as she reached out to touch him, and he booked it out of the place.  That turned some heads.

Alana stood still for a moment, like she was trying to figure out her next move.  On one hand, there was me, a weirdo from the Internet.  On the other, there was the guy who had featured in all of her maniacal obsessions.

Of course, she followed him out.  Luckily, we had both already paid (separately) for our drinks.  I thought it only polite to wait for her, but I shouldn't have bothered.  She didn't come back.