Submitted by Charlene:
When my friend's often shirtless, British next door neighbor asked me out to dinner after a few flirtations, I was intrigued. I only knew that he was in good shape, was funny, and (according to my friend) wasn't a psycho. Good enough for a dinner, I figured!
So, he picked me up. He looked good and he smelled great. When he complimented me and leaned over to give me a smooch, I let him.
We went to dinner, and I asked him, "So, what do you do for fun?"
"Oh, I like to party." Then he launched into how lonely he was, and how much he just wanted a good woman to love. This is all fine and good, but no one wants to hear the whole dump on a first date.
I attempted to change the subject. "Have you read any interesting books lately?"
"No, I don't read books," and then more lonely talk.
We finished dinner, and I figured that I would try to end the night early. It couldn't get worse, right?
I asked him to take me home, as I was tired. He said, "Okay, but do you mind if I pick up some cocaine on the way?"
I was too surprised to say no, and since this was squeaky-clean Minneapolis, I was curious to see how such a deal would go down.
We drove to a shady street and parked. After a few minutes of waiting in the dark, a shadowy figure made his way across the street and over to the driver's-side door. My date cracked the door open and swapped money for coke. I stifled a giggle as he drove me home.
We arrived at my house, I said, "Thank you for dinner," and opened my car door to leave.
"Wait!" he said, "Can I come in?"
"I'm sorry, I'm really tired."
He started to cry. "If you don't fancy me, tell me you don't
fancy me."
I said, "No, you're very nice. I just need to go inside."
"Please, can I just come inside for a few minutes? I would really like to just hold you."
I slipped out and headed for a building that wasn't mine. Just in case.
Hehe, smart girl."Okay, but do you mind if I pick up some cocaine on the way?".. too funny. I don't understand though why wouldn't you let a cryin, lonely 'junkie' you hardly know into your home to just hold you.
ReplyDeletelol omg that was hilarious... Thank you OP!! And I hope you never have another like that one!!
ReplyDeleteWell, sorta smart. I mean, she DID go to a dark alley to buy cocaine with a stranger... my heart goes out to that guy though. I hope he gets some help and finds what he's looking for.
ReplyDelete"Oh, I like to party."
ReplyDeleteThat means that the person is into drugs. Is this not general knowledge or do I know too many drug users?
@Trouble
ReplyDeleteI thought it was general knowledge too. AND, if it isnt, then how come she didnt question it if he didnt ever go out. who parties by themselves? haa
Really, squeaky clean MPLS? I live in the Twin Cities and there is nothing clean about that city. It is amazing how out of touch people can be.
ReplyDeleteAlso how do you not understand "I like to party"?
*Baby(forrest)* I'm not applaudin her for goin to a shady part of town for a drug deal & a giggle, that part was not so smart. She's clever for headin to a building that wasn't hers, just in case.
ReplyDelete'I like to party' is in Oxford Dictionary's Phrases section and directly translates to 'I do hard drugs, and not like experimentin once in a while but on a regular basis (first dates incuded) so much so it's messed with my physiology that I sometimes feel hot for no apparent reason therefore I am often shirtless but still in good shape and funny so you're none the wiser that I am lonely, cry readily and would really like to just hold you'.
When people tell me they like to party, I don't automatically assume drugs, I just assume they aren't smart enough to think of anything interesting to say or do. I'm really judgmental like that.
ReplyDeleteAnd it just sounds like something some greasy barfly would say. "You like to party, giirrl? I like to party..." *buuurrrrrp*
The comments to these stories used to be better than the stories themselves. I don't know what the hell has happened, the trolls have taken over or something, because this has become unreadable in its stupidity in the last several stories.
ReplyDelete@ Trouble
ReplyDeleteWhen I first came to NYC all wide-eyed and innocent, I tended bar. It was 3 years before I learned what "party" meant. But I think it was more a product of my sheltered upbringing than anything.
A little disappointed that you didn't let him in, because then this story would of been a bit more interesting.
ReplyDeleteHey, I also live in Minneapolis, and as far as large cities go, downtown is very clean! Of course there are areas that are frightening, but I personally live in a great area. Just saying - don't be giving my town a bad name!
ReplyDeleteGlad you walked away!
Well, as cities go, you have good sections and you have bad sections. A lot of friends/acquaintances think San Diego is a lovely and clean city, and if you want to change their opinion on that then you just take them to places like downtown, Oceanside, or out east in El Cajon/Spring Valley areas and some places near the border to change their opinion.
ReplyDelete*12:16pm
ReplyDeleteLay of (Baby)forrest alright, I'm sure that somewhere deep, deep, very deep down inside she (I'm assumin, not many he's refer to themselves as 'baby') has some redeeming qualities that don't include bein an annoying twat rag.
Why do you type my name half in parentheses?
ReplyDeleteWho knows, why not?
ReplyDeleteI don't know Saw(yer86). Why not?
ReplyDeleteBabyforest @3:01 - Thank you. I completely agree. Shit, people, I go on vacation for a week after Jared gets all up on the front page of AOL, and when I return, not only do we have more people with blogger accounts instead of anonymous identities (yay!), but we also have more people who are commenting simply for the sake of saying something (usually uninspiredly hateful and poorly written with too many "lololols" at the end) or flaming in sad, obvious ways. Where's the creativity? The blind, bitter, snarky hatred well articulated?
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that a couple of weeks ago, some anonymous tool "named" Frank tried to pretend that because so many people (like, 40! wow!) flamed his bad date story, he was something special. And really...there was a time when yes, that was something of a feat. Now, every story has 30-40 comments on it of random people saying the exact same, stupid things.
Maybe I'm just old and crotchety. It's hard when something you found "before everyone else did" blows up and changes/expands.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete:P
ReplyDelete^ Both of you STFU.
ReplyDelete