Fear and Loathing and Dirty Little Secrets

Submitted by Charles:

Stephanie seemed nice online, but in person, she came across as the most bitter person in the world.

I asked her about her neighborhood, and she rolled her eyes and said that she hated her roommates.  I asked her why and she explained that they would always hang out together and never include her, and that they were constantly baking.

This struck me as a weird reason to dislike anyone, and I mentioned that.  "They bake a lot?  How is that a bad thing?"

She flared her nostrils at me, and I knew that I had said something wrong.  She told me that she doesn't like it because they never offer her anything that they bake.  They just sit and bake and laugh in the kitchen and living room.

Something about the way she said it creeped me out, so I tried to make light of it.  Perhaps she could move out, or even sublet if she was uncomfortable there.  She didn't really address either of these possibilities.

Then, when we talked about work, she mentioned how stupid everyone was at her company.  Stephanie herself was close to thirty, but her boss was 23, having started a moderately successful web marketing company.  Stephanie went on about how she hated working for a 23-year-old, how her boss was a total idiot, and how everyone else with whom she worked had no idea how to run a business.

Trying to be encouraging, I asked Stephanie if she'd be interested in starting her own business, since she seemed to have a good idea as to how not to run one.

She growled at me and said that the 23-year-old who started the company made her sign a non-competition agreement, one that prevented Stephanie from leaving the company and starting a competitor. 

The more we talked about anything, the more I realized that Stephanie hadn't a kind word or a good thought about any of it.  Finally, I had to ask her, "What do you like?"

She said that she liked the same stuff that everyone else does: movies, books, beaches, and sex.  She then told me that she hadn't had sex in a while.  I asked her how long a while was.  She said that it was approaching three years.

I took the bait and asked her about the circumstances.  She said that every guy she met wanted sex and only sex, and that she couldn't bring herself to give a guy what he obviously wanted.  I asked her if I was included under that umbrella, and she gave me a look that I'll never forget and said, "Yeah.  You're a guy.  You've been pretending to be interested in me this whole time, but I know what you really want.  It's disgusting, and it's not going to happen."

Since our relationship didn't seem to have any kind of future whatsoever, I went on with the date politely, said goodnight once it was over, and opted to not see her again.

Imagine my surprise when a few days later, she sent me a long, long e-mail, asking me why I had tempted her to cheat on her boyfriend.  She was perfectly happy with him, she explained, and I had no business trying to break them up.

If that was right out of left field for you, then imagine what it was like for me to read it.  I didn't ever respond, and I didn't hear from her anymore, thankfully.