Submitted by Lauren:
I joined a dating site last summer after a bad breakup with my boyfriend. Although I wasn't necessarily ready for a serious relationship, I thought that getting out and meeting new people would help me move on.
I sent a couple of e-mails back and forth with a guy named Anthony. Anthony seemed pretty good on paper – he worked for a local non-profit, volunteered on weekends to coach Little League, and seemed interested in trying new things. We decided to meet up at a local coffee shop, which I thought would be an easy commute for us both.
Anthony showed up about 20 minutes late completely dripping in sweat. He'd biked to the coffee shop. Apparently his apartment was much farther away than I'd thought.
Not only was he dripping in sweat, but he was also wearing a really dirty, torn t-shirt. Not a big deal, but I mean... for a first date? I waited with my drink to let him go order one for himself and cool down/towel off in the bathroom.
When Anthony returned from the bathroom, we chatted and got to know each other. I asked him about his work at the non-profit, and he fessed up that he was actually not currently working there: it had been an unpaid internship the year before, and he was currently a pizza delivery guy.
Okay, well, stretching the truth can be okay sometimes... how about Little League? What was it like to coach it?
"Ah, yeah," he said, "I've never really coached Little League."
"Never as in... never ever?"
He shook his head. "Never ever," then continued to discuss his job prospects, "It's been so frustrating, trying to find a job. Sometimes I think I'll just get a gun and walk down the street shooting people." Another gem included, "My apartment is kind of crummy. I think the landlord is a drug dealer, and we have bed bugs."
By the end of the date, I seriously thought that he was just making shit up to make me uncomfortable... I thought maybe he wasn't interested in me, so he decided to just pull my chain for kicks. Well... no. He asked me out again. I most definitely turned him down.
Didn't we have another online date who claimed to volunteer/work at a non-profit, work lovingly with children, and make a steady paycheck only to find out that he was a capitalistic, children-hating, living-with-his-mom douche?
ReplyDeleteAt least this guy just seems sad and pathetic, not douchey?
A Swedish men's magazine recently interviewed a few young women about the choice between an athletic unemployed guy or slobby guy with a job. They all chose security over sweat.
ReplyDeleteThe job market is weak, but is lying about the Little League going to get you far?
@Seven-thirty:
ReplyDeleteAsk Attorney General Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut. Zing!
A Swedish Men's magazine? Really? Who ever heard of a sloppy Swede?
ReplyDeleteI tried a "sloppy swede" once. My girlfriend wouldn't look me in the eyes for weeks after that.
ReplyDeleteIt was so worth it.
@Mastiff Heh. *bah-dum-dum-chh*
ReplyDeleteWell, a better lie would have been something more flamboyant, such as "I was drafted to play major league baseball, but I got hit by a car while rescuing a little girl's pet iguana. It happened three days before training camp. That's why I bicycle to strengthen my knee. I am going to make a comeback..."
ReplyDeleteBlumenthal is not the first to invent a bit of biography. Kerry used to pretend he was an Irish American.
People accept lies as part of getting along. Isn't all of the be a player and score with women stuff based on falsehoods?
Lauren is an effen beach. You make the guy sound like the worst guy on the planet or something. "yeah turn that mo fo down" GTH LAUREN. GTH.
ReplyDeleteWhat is GTH? I'm so ignorant.
ReplyDeleteLying about Little League=a one way ticket to hell.
GTH = "Go To Hell" maybe?
ReplyDeleteComment is much funnier if he's chiding her for Gyrating Too Heartily, though.