Submitted by Robert:
Claire arrived at the scene of our date more than "a few extra pounds" heavier than specified in her online profile. I'm not sure which I found less attractive: her weight issue or her lying about it, but I soon found a third thing that trumped them both: her personality.
Everything she said, she must have thought was the funniest thing ever. We sat down in a restaurant booth and she said, "Pleather seats from pleather cows, okay then..."
She ordered a diet coke "to help maintain my girlish figure," to hear her tell it, and she winked at me. Ugh.
Our food came, and she piled her chicken, rice, and potatoes into a small hill. "Ready to excavate the pyramid," she said when she was done with her construction, "Okay, then..."
She then started humming and shifting her shoulders back and forth. Everyone lands a tune in their head at some time or another, but she kept going with it, like a 13-year-old at a Miley Cyrus concert.
"These seats are like mini-trampolines," she informed me, "I'll bet I can bounce it all the way the the ceiling. Okay, then."
It hit me that it was like being on a date with a young teenager. Everything she said sounded like it was trying to take first prize at a "bad comedy" convention.
"Ever find little fishies swimming in your restaurant water? What would they say? Okay, then..."
"Ever notice how they dim restaurant lights right at the same time? Do you think they all have a blackout at once? Or would that be a food-out? Okay, then..."
"I saw this Internet video about this guy who was hit by a car, and... he... I guess you really had to see it, but it was really funny. Okay, then..."
"I went to the grocery store the other day and left with nothing in the cart and everything in my stomach. Okay, then..."
Shut up. Just stop talking. The date couldn't end fast enough. I didn't try to kiss her or anything at all. She must have thought that I was playing hard to get, since she texted me incessantly over the following three weeks. I wrote back once or twice, telling her that I didn't think we had chemistry and that we'd make much better acquaintances, but she didn't seem to receive those. Okay, then...
Was she saying ok then? or were you? I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like normal first-date nervous conversation to me, OP. I mean, were you trying to make chit chat and in the middle of it, she just blurted out these weird things? Or were you pissed that she was overweight and just stopped trying? I dunno, but her comment about the water sounds like something someone would say if there was no talking going on, and all that was at the table at that point was water, and she tried to make a joke about it to break the air, get something going on, whatever. That's just my guess though.
ReplyDeleteI am with 9:36 that is sounds more like she was trying to fill holes in your sullen silence. However, big ladies (albeit smaller than me) often try too hard to be "funny" or "jolly". It's easy to understand why (and if you can't you should get your empathy checked) but we've all been annoyed by a person that's always "on" and relentlessly cracking marginally funny jokes. I can get finding the one-liners tiresome, esp. if the devolved as reported.
ReplyDeleteAnd here was me thinking fat people were always jolly
ReplyDeleteWow. I go away for a few days, and the quality of the comments on this site just goes straight into the toilet.
ReplyDeleteOP's not a dick. People like his date are fucking annoying. Nervousness is one thing, but this seems like just simple immaturity. "Excavating the pyramid?" Trampolines? "Fishies?" Sounds like the mentality of a 7-year-old, and that's never attractive.
As much as nobody wants to admit it, physical attraction is a huge component of a successful date or relationship. So if the OP is put off by bigger women, well, that's his preference. Sure, he might miss out on some amazing personalities because of his preferences, but at least he knows what he's looking for and isn't an asshole about it.
And to preempt further comments, there are a lot of men who will hook up with a Fizziks-sized behemoth just to get laid, but would never date one. I am friends with plenty of women with great personalities who I don't find physically attractive for one reason or another. I've hooked up with a few of them in mutually beneficial situations (I never claimed to be a looker, either), but I could simply never date someone I didn't find physically attractive. That's reality, and anyone who says differently is an unrealistic simpleton.
Wow...tough crowd!
ReplyDeleteOP is not a dick...she was inexperienced, insecure and clearly bigger than her profile stated. Comedy is not her thing and she probably felt the vibes that he was not into her and she tried to hard.... Something some of you should do more of, before you post comments.
That's what happens when you date a fatty.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed from browsing a few internet dating sites over the years that "A few extra pounds" almost ALWAYS means BBW and girls who truly have a FEW extra pounds usually claim "Average". OP needs to change his search criteria.
ReplyDeletepeople should just be honest with who they are and what they look like! as a reformed fattie I can honestly say that I should have put more to love instead of average!! If you want to put average or now thin :) Get off your butt and do something about it!! Then maybe you wouldn't have to post or have people post about you!!! M
ReplyDeleteI once went on a date with fatty and ended up at her place. She seemed so desperate that I felt obliged. I wondered whether arousal would be possible.
ReplyDeleteA really big stomach means the missionary position feels like sex with a normal woman but with a basketball between the two of you.
Here is the question though: women discover that men have defects, such drug habits, gun collection fetishes, etc., and some of them will start up a relationship anyway, to try and reform the guy so that he is material for a life time of happiness.
How many guys will discover a nice but overweight girl and then try to transform her into a good-looking woman?
Yeah, I agree with the first few posters. OP was sitting there sullenly, probably rolling his eyes. She got more and more nervous and was trying to be witty. Okay, she failed; probably she's immature and insecure. But you could have gotten her to tone down the one-liners by engaging in normal conversation with her.
ReplyDeleteNone. Women try to change their men, and men want their women to stay exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteMy mom has a 76-year-old friend named Helga, who sounds exactly like the date in question. She is not a bad person, but is the most irritating human in creation, so I'm with the OP on this one.
JD fail.
ReplyDeleteYou're comments didn't really make the comment section better. Take off your rose colored glasses
@Anon5:09 - Obvious troll.
ReplyDeletewhats almost as good as the posts are the comments..this is a great way to pass the time
ReplyDeleteReally? A troll?
ReplyDeleteWhy?
Because I don't have a BLOG name? Smarten up...nobody knows more about you by using your initials.. I"l prove it and use mine at the end.
Why are you so defensive that your comments were lame? Even thought you 'think' that the other posters comments went in the toilet without you. I had high expectations of your comments from your first sentence and was disappointed. Deal with it, suck.
I always say "alrighty, then" when I say something that I get no response to or when I think I'm being nice or funny and I get a rude response or a blank look. So my impression of this story was the guy sitting there staring at her blankly while she was bouncing on the seats babbling on. Sure, she sounds annoying, and mis-led him, but OP sounds like a boring jerk and should pull his balls out of his mommy's purse.
ReplyDeleteI get the feeling that the people who are hating on the op in this thread either haven't met this kind of person or are this person. I have, and now I cant help but think that it must be some sort of personality disorder. They feel like the most annoying person in the world and trying to hold a conversation with them is like taking a cheese grater to your skull until you hit brain.
ReplyDeleteI get the feeling that the people who are hating on the op in this thread either haven't met this kind of person or are this person. I have, and now I cant help but think that it must be some sort of personality disorder. They feel like the most annoying person in the world and trying to hold a conversation with them is like taking a cheese grater to your skull until you hit brain.
ReplyDelete@ OP - I have seen that internet video with that guy that was hit by the car....and it was fucking great. You really missed out on this one OP.
ReplyDeleteGotta stick up for JD here Anon 5:09/GD. At least JD knows the difference between "Your" and "You are". I'd rather read comments all day that I don't necessarily agree with than read one single sentence with piss poor grammar. Srsly.
I've missed your "quiet brilliance," Architect. Were you on vacation or something?
ReplyDeleteArch: Where is this your / you're issue?
ReplyDeleteI see 2 spelling mistakes "I'll" and "though"...but nothing else. Srsly.
Anon 2:15 -
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
JD fail.
******You're****** comments didn't really make the comment section better. Take off your rose colored glasses
May 19, 2010 5:09 PM
=)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks mysticmoggy :-)
ReplyDelete@ Anon 2:15 - Poor grammar should be every one's issue. If it doesn't make your eyeball twitch, something is wrong with you.
@ Nikki - Actually, if you can believe it or not, I've met a woman via the internet that isn't crazy, insane, rude and doesn't have a collection of skulls. So my usual lunch time snark has been spent on quiet phone calls whispering sweet nothings. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to think that I was missed though :-) I'll try and be a little more present, even if I have to shirk work to do it!
PS. You totally missed out. Fizziks was up in your area a day or so ago....you coulda hit dat!
ARCHITECT HAS A LADY FRIEND?!?! THERE'S HOPE IN THIS WORLD FOR TRUE LOVE!!! ;D
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I know that Fizziks and I could have gotten together and made sweet fat-bitch love. I'm currently living with deep, chocolatey regret.
Okay, then.
ReplyDeleteokay, then
ReplyDeleteOkay, then!
ReplyDeleteAlrighty th...DAMMIT.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the OP! He was right to be weirded out by this woman. That is one of the strangest dates I've ever heard of. I don't blame him one bit for posting this story. That woman sounds about 2 french fries short of a Happy Meal! Okay, then? ;)
ReplyDeleteI think your frustration is justified and warranted. Sounds like an annoying date, but I do feel bad for the girl, only because she sounds like she has a bad image of herself. That being said, you were not a dick! She could have fared a lot worse!
ReplyDelete