Submitted by John:
Dorothy and I were on our very first date. It was autumn. She had written to me (via e-mail) that she liked being spontaneous. I thought it would be fun to make a leaf pile and jump in it.
"When was the last time you did anything like this?" I asked her.
"Um... when I was five," she said uncomfortably.
When I finished putting the pile together (in record time. It was at least half as tall as she was, and she was a little over five feet), I invited her to have the honors of jumping into it first. I really wanted to jump into it first, myself, but this was a date, after all.
"Uh... no," she said, "I'm not five anymore."
I had made an awesome, colossal leaf pile, and wasn't about to leave it there for some random neighborhood rapscallion to jump into. The fruits of my labor were for none but myself and/or my loved ones. Therefore, I took a big running jump and pile-drove right into it. So many leaves. It was heavenly.
At some point, Dorothy pulled out her phone and said into it, "Hey. Can you come pick me up? The guy's playing in a leaf pile and won't stop."
The conversation up until then had been boring. The leaf pile was a far better date, and I told her so. She didn't say anything to that, but she went to a street corner where I'm assuming she was picked up by whoever she called or else abducted.
You're a fricken weirdo.
ReplyDeleteYou're a fricken AWESOME DUDE!
ReplyDeleteSome people just don't know how to live it up. It's a good thing you found out early that she lied about her spontaneity.
ReplyDeleteImagine if you one day got married and she wouldn't want to play in the leaf pile cos "it would mess up her wedding dress". That would be a really awkward time to find out what she's really like.
She should have set fire to the leaves to get rid of he, that would have been my spontaneous reaction.
ReplyDeleteI'm calling either:
ReplyDelete1. fake
2. A r'tard.
I won't be surprised if a story is published by her about this same "adventure"
ReplyDeleteWhat's the problem with a leaf pile? People are too uptight.
ReplyDeleteLeaf pile, yeah!!! Where were you that you had a rake to make this spontaneous leaf pile? Maybe it was a public place and she didn't want to look silly?
ReplyDeleteI'm just saying maybe. Personally, I would have gone in regardless! LEAF PILE!!!
I was waiting for the "and there was dog shit in the pile" moment.
ReplyDeleteWhen she said she was spontaneous what she meant was that she liked sex in public bathrooms.
ReplyDelete^ Agreed. At least, that's what I mean when I tell people I'm spontaneous...
ReplyDeleteDude, your my hero! I would've loved to go on that date with you!
ReplyDeleteYou were awesome and had a great idea for a date, also thumbs up for mentioning rapscallions, they are a menace to us all!
ReplyDeleteHow...strange...to read a terrible date as kooky and standard-abcotd as this from the terrible date's point of view. I felt like I was reading it backwards or something, since I kept waiting for the "He kept laughing maniacally, getting bits of leaf in his mouth, shouting for me to join him. I quickly called my best friend and asked her to pick me up from the park. He kept telling me what a loser I was and how I had lied about being 'spontaneous.' Obviously, I never returned his multiple, late-night phone calls."
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go out on a limb here and say this was satirical.
ReplyDeleteI went on a coach trip to Paris once with school, and we stopped off near the Eiffel Tower for a bit. The park maintenance staff had been round and swept the leaves up, so my friends and I decided to jump in some while the bus driver was having his tab break. He saw us, and said we weren't allowed back on the bus. True story.
ReplyDeleteOkay, long into a relationship (or friendship), you're out on a random fall day on your way back from a grimy hike and decide to jump into a pile of leaves? Doable and potentially fun.
ReplyDeleteOn a first date where she's likely put in a lot of effort into looking great as a first impression? Unbelievably idiotic idea, especially to push the issue and assume she's otherwise a kill-joy. And I'm sure she wanted grass and mud stains on her first-date-worthy outfit. It doesn't have to be a dress and heels to be an outfit you don't want ruined.
That's what happens when you think spontaneous means stupidly immature.
ReplyDelete4:53 has got it. It was silly (yes immature), could have been fun with another chick, but this one clearly was not into it. Be happy she left, she wasn't for you. Try a kindergarten teacher next time. Maybe you guys can finger paint.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous at 4:53 said:
ReplyDelete"Okay, long into a relationship (or friendship), you're out on a random fall day on your way back from a grimy hike and decide to jump into a pile of leaves? Doable and potentially fun.
On a first date where she's likely put in a lot of effort into looking great as a first impression? Unbelievably idiotic idea, especially to push the issue and assume she's otherwise a kill-joy. And I'm sure she wanted grass and mud stains on her first-date-worthy outfit. It doesn't have to be a dress and heels to be an outfit you don't want ruined."
I agree completely. He barely knew this woman, and kept pushing the issue, despite that she obviously wasn't comfortable with this. I'd say the guy is "socially challenged," and very dense. Otherwise, I'd say his date would have an even better reason to post HER experiences with this guy on here!
Jumping in leaf piles? That's madness. Please tell me this is fake. Oh your next date you can watch cartoons and eat Fruit Loops.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like this was your fault for not seeing that she wasn't into that.
ReplyDeleteSeriously want to go on a leaf jumping date with you.
ReplyDeleteToo many people confuse spontaneity with being childish. Sure if the guy and I are raking leaves, great leaf pile! On a first date with me in one of my best first date outfits? Hell no! When I refer to being spontaneous, I mean driving to the beach at 1:00 a.m. or going out at midnight to breakfast or cocktails after a long day working or whatever. How about on a long car trip, pulling over to a secluded rest area to make love or flying to NYC or Vegas on a whim. This stuff makes life fun and connects you to the people you are engaging with. Not swing sets or leaf piles a first date. Know your players. It's difficult to be spontaneous with someone you just met, you don't know them yet.
ReplyDelete