Submitted by Mary:
Wayne was a chemist who took me out to a fancy meal one night this past winter. He told me that he was working on a new, organic type of hands-free sanitizer, and had plenty of samples on hand. He gave me a few. Thanks, Wayne.
We got on the subject of college, and he asked me if I had any "wild times." I told him that I had once participated in a sorority's topless march to raise awareness for breast cancer.
He spat out his food all over the place. "W-what?," he stammered, "You did what?"
I said, "It was to raise awareness for breast cancer. We carried candles one evening from one end of the campus to the other. I don't know if that counts as 'wild,' but it was a little daring, but I'm glad I did it. We raised over a thousand dollars for that one walk."
He stared at me, then down at my chest, then up at me again. "You were topless?" he asked, stupidly.
"Yes," I repeated.
"Did you have a boyfriend at the time?" he asked.
"Yes. He had no problem with it. Are you okay?"
He was silent for a few moments, then asked, "Can I see you topless tonight?"
Then it was my turn to expel all over the table. I didn't. I thought I heard him wrong. "Excuse me?" I asked.
"Can I see you topless tonight?"
I laughed and told him that it wasn't going to happen.
This made him mad. "You'd show a whole bunch of strangers your jugs while in a committed relationship, but you won't show them to me? What's the difference?"
I thought he was kidding around. He had to be. I laughed again, but when I saw that he wasn't laughing with me, I said, "You're not going to see them. Put it out of your head."
He sat back and muttered something that sounded like, "Slut," and continued on with the rest of the meal in relative silence.
After dinner, I told him that it was nice meeting him, and then went off home to go take off my shirt and go to bed.
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In Maine this Friday? Busy?
...First? This website doesn't develop comments fast enough for that to be a big deal anyway. You fail at trolling.
ReplyDeleteOMG third!
ReplyDeleteSave the boobies!
ReplyDeleteI don't understand. You showed a bunch of strangers your boobs already. Why not show one more guy?
ReplyDeleteOnly if he donated $1500 to breast cancer ressearch.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is how walking around topless "raises awareness" for anything but walking around topless.
ReplyDeleteBecause it's different.
ReplyDeleteI get it, I'm a life-model, just because I get naked in public in front of a bunch of art students doesn't mean I get them out for everyone!
Life modelling's not a sexualised thing, and the march probably wasn't either (although it may have been, the amount of topless women and the fact it had a purpose would have made a big difference to this). There's a big difference between getting nekkid and getting intimate with someone. That guy was a dick.
The only thing that should be confusing is why you would say it was nice to meet this guy when you were already pissed at him. If he can't understand why being topless with a groupd of topless ladies in front of people you won't see again is different than yanking of your shirt for a guy you barely know who harbors hopes to fondle you later, why pretend he was in bounds?
ReplyDeleteBecause it's just easier to say "nice to meet you," Fizziks, than say, "You're a tactless douche. Plz die." As this site has proven time and again, most dates are just a comment away from violence. :P
ReplyDelete2:08 #1 sums it up pretty well. "What I don't understand is how walking around topless "raises awareness" for anything but walking around topless."
ReplyDeleteWalking away very fast after the slut comment would have raised awareness for having self respect.
Honesty is not always the best policy with someone who doesn't know the rules of baseball. You have to run the bases in the right order even if you've wacked the ball out of the park.
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't they have topless marches at my university? :(
ReplyDeleteAnd @Anon1:21, you're a twat. Where's Gulliver to show you how it's done?
Yes - god help me even I miss Gulliver! ;D
ReplyDeleteAlas, he called too many Lilliputians "Fat Bitch" and they slaughtered him which was the only humane thing to do.
ReplyDeleteWhy would someone ask a question regarding "wild times in college" on a first date for any other reason than trying to set a scene for getting laid later that night? How adolescent. Mary gave Wayne an answer like he hoped for in his wildest dreams, then pricked his sorry bubble. Grow up, Wayne.
ReplyDeletehaha! what a jerk.
ReplyDeleteand to the people trashing the march, they aren't exactly for "raising awareness" It's not like someone goes "wow! This march has suddenly made me aware of breast cancer!"
they're more for getting people's attention. And what's a better way to get attention for a cause than to take your shirt off?? For any other cause I would think it was tactless and cheap, but for breast cancer I fully support it, though I'd be too chicken to go completely topless, so good for you OP!
Yay, Gulliver! That almost makes me what to share my deep-fried poundcake and Crisco sandwich with you. :) Almost. Don't want to lose weight.
ReplyDeleteI'm with the guys saying you have no self respect.
ReplyDeleteSee, Gulliver? A little effort, and you're a bcotd hero. :)
ReplyDelete@Gulliver: Bravo, sir! Bravo! :)
ReplyDeleteyou folks will soon regret encouraging gulliver.
ReplyDelete^I am sure you're right, 12:16. But I regret almost everything I do on this site anyway.
ReplyDeleteAw, 12:16 is jealous b/c we never like its comments and didn't take it under our wings. Gulliver showed potential. He just needed to be prodded in the right direction in order to join the abcotd "elite." ;)
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I only regret that one AIDS joke and maybe that other joke that I forgot I made, so I guess...I don't really regret it. :P
The only thing I'm confused about is what is "hands-free sanitizer"
ReplyDeleteOh gross - there's people who call themselves "elite" on here? Really?
ReplyDeleteNo, not really. Elite in quotes followed by winking smiley = "ironic" self-deprecating humor. Would it help if Nikki had been slamming a PBR whilst wearing hipster jeans?
ReplyDelete^ Eww, she's probably say something is "epic" or audibly spell out "O-M-G" as if the acronym were actually easier to say aloud than just saying "oh my god."
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't really use "epic." It's not a word I like. As for the acronym, I enjoy saying "OEMFG" because the extra letters really emphasize my annoyance. And it's better than saying, "FUCKING SHIT CHRIST" at work.
ReplyDelete@Fizziks - I always get so sad when the kids can't pick up on my heavy sarcasm. Should I start signing ironic/sarcastic statements "LOL U GUYS I AM JUST JOKING OK?!" Would that help?
PS: For those who can't tell, that last sentence to Fizziks was me being sarcastic.
The thing that makes me most sad is when people actually add j/k to a post; if I can't tell you're joking either you aren't funny or I am stupid (and you should flame me about it). Explaining a joke makes life not worth living. But that's just another windmill to tilt my fat ass against. >sighs<
ReplyDeleteMaybe Jared can give us a sarcasm font. Or a serious point font since those are less frequent.
Ooh. I like the idea of different fonts for different attitudes. Shit, if Jared *really* loved us, the regulars (the ones with names) would get their own special font or text color. Because I have low self-esteem and like to feel special when I can. :)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I kind of agree with him. Your breasts are private and you want him to respect your modesty... but you flashed thousands of strangers? You absolutely have the choice to do the topless breast cancer awareness thing, but you kind of lose the right to claim that you are very selective about who gets to see your ta-tas. :-/
ReplyDeleteHow bizarre that he thought you'd show your breasts to a total stranger! I mean, who on Earth would... Oh. Right.
ReplyDelete