Submitted by Eva:
I teach at a ballet company, and noticed over the course of a semester that this one guy kept showing up late in rehearsals and sitting in the back row of the auditorium. I didn't think much of it, and took him to be the relative or boyfriend of one of the girls in my class. He looked about fifteen or so.
One day, after a few weeks of this, he approached me after class, once my students had left. He introduced himself as Rory, said that he loved ballet, and especially watching me dance. He asked me out, and, flattered, I agreed.
He took me out to a nice restaurant that looked out on the ocean. He was pretty quiet, so I tried to pull him out of his shell.
He was actually eleven years younger than I was, but that didn't really bother me. We were both over 20, and he seemed mature and polite enough. Still, there was something strange about the way he would look at me. I had never really seen him up close prior to that, and something about his gaze made me feel like he was imagining me without skin.
As we were finishing our meals, we got on the subject of family, and he started asking me some weird questions: "Have you ever been to Indiana?" "You strike me as someone with a very scientific mind... have you worked in the sciences?" "I wonder what it would be like to be the child of a doctor...?" "Have you done a lot of modeling?"
Maybe I was already on edge, but the fact that my sister goes to Notre Dame, I used to work in my university's chemistry department, my mother is a doctor, and I had, in fact, modeled... it seemed like he knew a bit too much about me.
Trying to make light of the rapidly discomforting situation, I smiled and asked, "You've been reading up on me?"
"Oh, yes. For months."
That long overdue cold shiver rippled down my back. I said, "You're kidding, right?"
He shook his head. "I even know the hospital where you were born."
I brought the date to an early close. He only called me once afterward, and of course I didn't call him back. He also stopped coming to my ballet classes, and I haven't seen him since then. The only thing I can think of is that I might have come across as uncomfortable or intimidating and he didn't like it. Either way, hopefully, I'll never hear from that creepster again.
Ok, so he was a creepy stalker-type. But on the other hand "he looked fifteen or so" and "He was actually eleven years younger than I was, but that didn't really bother me. We were both over 20".
ReplyDeleteSo you, at over 30, agreed to date a guy who you thought was 15? When he'd been basically stalking you a bit already too?
To the first commenter ...
ReplyDeleteWhy not? A young dude checking out a older woman.. I'm sure there are plenty out there that would be flattered as this woman was. What's wrong with a bit of persistence?
It's not as if anything these days is hard to find.. a quick google search and you can find so much.
We will have to start getting used to people knowing a bit more about us...
In reply to the second commenter (from the first)...
ReplyDeleteperhaps you're right and im not being open minded enough. on the other hand, im 22 and wouldn't even consider dating anyone under 16. tbh i wouldnt date someone under 19. then there's all those pesky laws about age of consent and statutory rape etc to consider lmao!
honestly, if she thought that he was less than half her age and still at school when he asked her out, then it was really creepy to accept.
I assume that when he asked her out, she asked his age then, and found out he was over 20. use some common sense people.
ReplyDelete@8:44 - we can't really assume that.
ReplyDeleteThis story is creepy to say the least. Reading up on someone for months before asking them out? Yikes.
Where I live the age of consent is 16. At 15, you're just starting them a little early. ;-)
ReplyDeleteSo is reading up on people a creepy thing to do? I do this to most of my dates. Usually I like to find out an address and stop by their house a few times a week. Of course, I don't let them know that I'm there; that would scare them away. But sometimes when I'm looking through their windows at night, you can see the 15-year-old girls changing into their pajamas. That's when you know if they're really starting to fill out or not, and if there's "grass in the field" so you can "play ball." Sure, they don't always consent at first at that age, but they're also much easier to manipulate than women my age. Just gotta watch out for jealous dads. THEY are the REAL creepsters.
Dude you're totally my twin.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize Mary Kay Letourneau was any good at ballet, but she would still be a teacher.
ReplyDeleteUnless dude pulled some ID, he could have been adding some years to his age just to seal the date. But if not, being attracted to someone that looks 15 is creeeeepy even if they *are* of age. You fuck the person, not the birth certificate. Fact is that the interwebs bring out the stalker in even regular people, but being mature is knowing when not to mention you have such detailed knowledge of your prey, I mean, date. If you are telling someone on a first date that you've been googling them for months, you probably *are* 15.
Here's what I want to know: how did he happen to start showing up to your class? Which came first, the internet stalking or being hot for teacher?
It's highly possible that he only looked 15 to her because she saw him at a distance. Back row of an auditorium, remember? And when he approached her she realized he was older than she previously thought.
ReplyDelete8:39 - There's a big difference between someone in their 30s dating someone in their 20s and someone in their 20s dating a teenager. Legality, for one, but also maturity. Age differences don't tend to mean quite as much after a certain point.
LOLZ U REALLY DODGE A BULLET, LADY!!!!11
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I have to agree, there's being flattered by a younger guy trying to be your cougar cub, and then there's dating a dude who you initially thought hadn't had his balls drop yet. Sorry you got stalked, but at least he left you alone after that. If he hadn't, you could have called his parents, and they would have grounded him for at least a month, I'd imagine.
What is wrong with this woman? Stalking is unwanted attention and harassment. She clearly wanted the attention and she gets indignant when he doesn't pursue her. She also must have liked that he looked fifteen or she wouldn't have accepted, so get over the age thing already.
ReplyDeleteChecking up on somebody on the internet, especially that you have the hots for, is common and I don't see anything wrong with that. He probably should have admitted to googling her without giving all the details and leading every question with veiled factoids.
The fact that he watched her all that time before approaching her and then didn't pursue her after tells me more about her lameness than his.
"The only thing I can think of is that I might have come across as uncomfortable or intimidating and he didn't like it."
You think?
"I even know the hospital where you were born."
ReplyDeleteHow does this not Creep you out!!!!!!?
Agreed! Looking up a date to make sure s/he isn't a child molester or a criminal is one thing. I'll even give you checking out their social networking pages. But researching a person's history--down to discovering the HOSPITAL IN WHICH THEY WERE BORN--*is* stalking, Erron, and whether or not OP appreciated his (fatal) attraction to her, what he did still crosses a very important psychological line.
ReplyDeleteHim knowing the hospital she was born in was too far and certainly crossed the line for a romantic interest. I'm pretty sure he would even have had to pay for that info. So, he was definitely obsessed and that's where the creepies live, but this is still not stalking.
ReplyDeleteStalking involves harassment. I'm not getting she felt harassed. He left her alone when she didn't return his ONE phone call, which is more than I can say for about 90% of guys I've blown off that way and has been demonstrated on this site time and time again.
My take was that in between the lines, she seemed disappointed that he did not continue to pursue her. Not that she was scared or offended by it.
Stalking doesn't have to involve harassment. When a lion is stalking it's prey, does it constantly tell the antelope that it wants to have contact and the antelope gets a restraining order before the final kill? No. The lion watches from afar, studies it's prey and then moves in for the kill. So while in humans stalking can include harassment, it doesn't have to.
ReplyDeleteAnd also, how does one find out ALL the details about this woman's life that this creeper knew? The hospital where she was born was mentioned, but where doing a simple Google search does one find what her sister does, what her mother does, that years ago she used to model, etc. That would take some hard core research and talking to people that knew her to find out.
Good example. Stalking prey was not was I was thinking of. I was looking at it from a legal/criminal standpoint. Legally, it's not stalking. He left her alone at the end, he didn't break into her house and boil her pet rabbit, so there's that.
ReplyDeleteObviously this guy didn't learn all that from Google. More likely this guy probably bought a background report for $25 or so.
ReplyDeleteHe might have even learned it from her Facebook profile, some people still don't know how to work the privacy settings and even if they did, they post way too much personal information.
Lamebook, empowering narcissism since 2004.
Good job Nikki with the imprudent presumption, as per usual. Just as well I could presume he got the idea this was the right thing to do from all the BS in your typical RomCom thinking she would find it romantic.
6:37 here. Here is the legal definition of stalking. It is any of the following:
ReplyDelete* Repeatedly follow the other person, or anyone known to them, from place to place;
* Repeatedly communicate with, either directly or indirectly, the other person or anyone known to them;
* Beset or watch a place where the other person is visiting, lives or works; or
* Engage in threatening conduct directed at the other person or any member of their family.
You haven't heard from him since because he's building a room in his basement for you, he only met you in person the once so he could get your measurements for the cage.
ReplyDeleteBuy a taser.
12:36, can you tell us which of the items in your list the OP's date did?
ReplyDeleteHe only went to her ballet class a few times, which would not be considered "from place to place." He didn't communicate with this person until he asked her out. He didn't sit back and watch the place where she lives or works. Again, he only went to her ballet class for "a few weeks." A little odd, but maybe he was just nervous to ask her out, not stalking. He didn't engage in threatening conduct at her or family members.
People are really quick to use the word "stalker" today. It used to actually mean something.
12:36 = me :)
ReplyDeleteHow do we know he wasn't following her? I'd reckon he was with the sheer amount of knowledge he had of her. At the very minimum "Beset or watch a place where the other person is visiting, lives or works" qualifies. She works at the ballet studio doesn't she?
In the age of the Internet people can and do look up sh*t about other people; under no circumstances would someone with normal social judgment admit it to them on the first date.
ReplyDeleteZactly, 1:47. That this person would admit it means that speculation about what he might be doing unbeknownst to Eva is fair game. This person has already shown poor judgment of boundaries by telling her what he knew (since most sane people that give in to the internet stalking temptation can at least keep it to themselves). On the other hand, he may not be old enough to have a license to tail her.
ReplyDeleteAll the kids here leaning towards the side of homegirl thinking the kid who looked 15 wasn't 15:
ReplyDeleteWhy don't have a seat here on this stool. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC...who are you here to see?
LOL @ nomatophobia! "Who did you bring the condoms and the alcohol for?"
ReplyDeleteCensorship s*cks.
ReplyDeleteyou thought he looked 15 and still agreed to go out with him??
ReplyDelete