Here, Have Some Kool-Aid

Submitted by Carl:

I met Angela at a blood drive, of all places. While waiting to donate we killed a good hour pleasantly conversing, during which time Angela came across as witty, intellectually sharp and funny. She noted how easy it was for her to talk to me, and how we should go on a date. I agreed, and a place and time were decided upon.

In the run up to our “date,” she sent a number of hopeful and flirty text messages: “Looking forward to being with you again,” “I think we have a connection,” and such.

Things at that point seemed pretty positive (of course it didn’t hurt that she was dead ringer for Fast Times at Ridgemont High-era Phoebe Cates): a smart, attractive woman was interested in me and we were going on a date. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship. so the prospect of a dating was kind of exciting.

When I arrived for our date, she was standing outside the restaurant with a sizable briefcase in hand. She was also wearing a track suit, which seemed strange considering that she had dressed like a banker to donate blood a week earlier.

Before we set foot in the restaurant, she started in about how lucky she was to have met the people she knew. Void of any segue or conversational lead-in, she simply started talking in detail about the great friends she had, and how they took care of her “in every possible way,” like “husbands and wives” because they were all “married.”  Or something nutty like that.

“Uh, sure. You hungry?” I interjected, “I’ve read good things about this place…” I said as I attempted to steer the conversation towards not-crazy-ramblings-about-God-knows-what.

 

I should have just cut my losses and walked away.

“My friends already fed me.”

“Let me get this straight. You just ate before going on a dinner date that you set up?”

“Food isn’t important, caring for one another is…” she replied.

 

Long story short, she was some sort of cult member.

The briefcase? It contained informational pamphlets and brochures about how her and her “friends” made their living (suckering people into pyramid schemes) and how I could benefit from it. She kept saying that the “System” paid for all of her expenses, that she didn’t even work a “real job.”

I said, “But it’s a pyramid scheme. Those are illegal, not to mention unethical.”

“Oh no, no. It’s all legit. Our leader has never worked a real job, either…”

And with that, I promptly turned around and walked back to my car without so much as a proper goodbye.

 

 

****************************

One of us!  One of us!