A Boy with a Whip

Submitted by Tina:

My date with Frank was crazy from start to finish.  He met me at a statue in the middle of town, which was on a traffic island.  Not exactly the most logical place to meet up, but he insisted on it.

When I arrived there, he lifted his shirt to show me that he was wearing a full-length bullwhip as a belt.  "I'll use it if you misbehave," he told me.

I informed him, "I never plan to misbehave around you."

He replied, "Sounds like you're already misbehaving."

I suggested that we go to lunch, and he stepped off the island, almost right into a passing car.  It honked and sped by.  Frank gave the car the finger.  The car stopped.  Frank ran, and I ran after him.

We had made it down a few blocks when we passed a nice cafe.  I suggested that we go inside and he agreed.  A shellacked sausage hung from behind the counter, and when it was our turn to order, Frank pointed to it and said to the cashier, "I want that!"

She glanced at it and said, "Sir, it's not for sale."

Frank said, "I'll have a muffin then."  He pointed to me.  "She'd also like a muffin."

I interrupted, "Actually, I'd like egg on an English muffin."

He wrinkled his nose and whispered, "Egg?  Gross.  Forget about making out with me.  Eggs are chicken vomit."

I didn't reply, but he looked at me as if he expected me to.  He then leaned in as if to whisper something else, but belched right in my face.

"Ugh!" I yelled, right there, in front of the cashier and the few people in line, "Goodbye!"

I stormed out, but he followed me.  He asked, "What's your problem?"

I spun around and asked him if he was drunk or high or both.  He laughed and told me that he wished that he was any of those things.  He then said, "Stop acting all crazy and let's have dinner."

It was the middle of the day, but the fact that he was telling me to stop "acting all crazy" was enough to write this guy off.  I walked away, and this time, he didn't follow me.