Submitted by Jackson:
I met Natalie online. It seemed like we had a lot in common like biking, volunteering at animal shelters, and even playing the trumpet. You know how hard it is for me to find a woman who also plays trumpet? It's not too common.
She seemed very hesitant about meeting up, and I was as supportive as I could be, but I silently wondered why you'd take the time to make a dating profile if you didn't want to meet up with people.
Eventually (after two or so months of regular contact) she decided to go out on a date. Through dinner, she seemed nervous as anything, and I did my best to try and keep her relaxed.
Halfway through, she slid a thick envelope over to me. I opened it up and pulled out a questionnaire. It had to have been about an inch thick. It had hundreds of handwritten questions that seemed taken right out of Cosmo, questions like:
233. If we were walking together and I tripped, would you:
A. Laugh at me
B. Keep walking
C. Pick me up and tell me that everything would be okay
501. If I didn't call you for a whole week, would you:
A. Forget about me
B. Try calling me
C. Try to come and see me
I asked her what it was for. She said that it was for me and looked away nervously. I glanced down and read:
522. It's Valentine's Day! You buy me:
A. Flowers
B. Chocolates
C. Both flowers and chocolates together
705. I sing in the shower. You:
A. Laugh and make fun of me
B. Ignore me
C. Clap and encourage me to keep singing in the shower
I slid it back across the table to her and said, "I'm not filling this out."
She grabbed it, put it back in its envelope, bit her nails like crazy, and didn't say a word for the rest of the date.
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Is this a trend? Have you ever been asked something unusual on a first date? I was once asked, out of the blue, "Have you ever ridden a goat?" I replied, "No," and she said, "I wanted to be a pro-wrestler in the 1980s," and that was the end of the conversation.
For 705, why was there no "D. Jump in the shower with me"?
ReplyDeleteDid she have pretty handwriting? Girls with pretty handwriting give the best blowjobs.
ReplyDelete@@Jared - I'm pretty sure the riding a goat question was a euphemism. The pro-wrestling follow up confirms it.
ReplyDeleteI've never had anything like this. One guy I never met in person grilled me on my recreational habits of inebriation, but he was a parent so that seemed understandable. Otherwise, if I am being asked tons of invasive questions or given a personality test, I better get a top gov't job.
Jared - Freshman year of college, I really, really wanted to cut a date short. I tried to let the guy down easy. I said "I have a doctor's appointment really early in the morning. I have to go."
ReplyDeleteTo which he asked:
"Why? Is there something wrong with your vagina?"
First date. No foolin'.
Hopefully she made copies so she doesn't have to handwrite it each time. Though maybe that's what took her 2 months to meet in person...
ReplyDeleteSounds like your date was a cat-lady in the making!!
ReplyDeleteDid you hear the soundtrack from "Psycho" playing in the background?
ReplyDelete@Jared: On my first date with my boyfriend, we were asking each other silly questions back and forth. I accidentally asked "Do you like killers" instead of the music-related question "Do you like THE Killers?" and my now-boyfriend almost choked on his food trying to think of a polite response.
ReplyDeletePS: This girl is so sad. :( My little heart breaks for her. Also, OP - if you stop dating high school girls, they'll stop asking you questions out of Cosmo.
Poor girl
ReplyDeletea) People who volunteer at animal shelters are lame
ReplyDeleteb) Why are you looking for a girl who plays the same instrument as you? Why the hell would that matter?
c) Why does Jared think his opinion is so important that it has to be a part of the story, instead of a part of the comments to the story? Get off your high horse and visit the comment section like everyone else.
That said - that girl was definitely crazy, but kind of sad. Especially if your sample questions were accurate, always having the "romantic"/"perfect boyfriend" answer as the last answer..
5:37 smells familiar.
ReplyDeletei shall dub him Troll 409.
I will restrain myself.
How is 5:37 trolling?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, it's kind of refreshing to see a date that actually asked you some questions (all be it about her). Too many girls I have dated never ask me a single question and talk about themselves all night. That being said, there was no way she could have given you a handy-j with the carpal tunnel of hand writing 700 questions. You made the smart move.
ReplyDeletethousand page survey means she wants your man-parts... you shoulda filled it out, you blew it. no pun intended.
ReplyDeleteI look for the ones who play "skin flute".
ReplyDeleteI would've told him anything he showed me he would lose and need a surgeon. And if he doesn't know what those are, they're the kind that sow people back together.
ReplyDelete