Submitted by Andrea:
Brad and I met on the Internet, and he seemed a bit different from most of the other guys I found on there. For one, he seemed to have an actual personality, and was a good conversationalist. We talked more and more and he asked me out.
He asked me if I liked surprises. I told him that I liked pleasant surprises. He told me that I had to meet him at his house and then we'd head off to an early dinner. Good so far.
I made it to his house and rang the bell. I heard a "Cowabunga!" and a computer printer smashed down not two feet away from me! It broke into pieces, and I looked up to see Brad pulling himself back into a window.
He came downstairs as if he hadn't done anything, my heart beating loud enough for the neighbors to hear. I screamed, "What the hell were you thinking?"
He asked, "What?" as if throwing printers out of windows at dates was typical courtship behavior.
I asked, "Are you insane? What the hell?"
He cocked his head and asked, "It didn't hit you. What's your problem?"
I took a step back, said, "Okay... goodbye," and left.
"Wait!" he yelled, and came after me.
I made it into my car, locked the doors, and turned it on. He stood in front of it. Lucky for me, I know how to reverse a vehicle, so I reversed my way down his street. He chased, but I was able to drive off.
He wrote me a single text: "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM???" and I never heard from him again. I took a break from online dating for... well, forever, after that.
So you're saying women don't like it when we throw printers at them? This is big news..
ReplyDelete"Lucky for you, you know how to reverse a vehicle?"
ReplyDeleteYou say that like most women don't know....how.... to ... drive...wait a minute!!! Tha' IS true. Lucky for you or it would have been more than a printer that crashed.
Are you reposting this for some reason?
ReplyDeleteI read this story on here awhile ago.
I thought it sounded really familiar! But didn't feel like reading through all the old posts to see if it was the exact same story...Jared, do it for me.
ReplyDeleteI did a search (a useful feature in the top left of the blog) for "computer," "printer," and "window." None of the results returned duplicate stories. There was one where a girl jumped out of her window to surprise her date, but definitely not the same as this. Care to back your claims with a link?
ReplyDeleteThis one came in fresh, not a repost. However, there may exist a vague subset of guys who like throwing things at women, such as this story and the one with the guy who threw water balloons at his date on the toilet. Of course, there was the one with the girl defenestrating herself onto her front lawn. Good times.
ReplyDeleteA printer's a bit crude, though. I mean, if you're going to lure someone to your house to kill them, there are certainly more efficient ways to do it.
So I've heard.
What I don't understand is that, with printers--even crappy older ones--being so damn expensive these days, why wouldn't he throw something cheaper at her? Like a side table or the computer chair? Or, if it *had* to be the printer, I hope he made sure to take the toner out of it first. That stuff is awfully pricey to replace.
ReplyDeleteIt was a warning... "Make me a sammich, or next time it's the monitor."
ReplyDeleteAnd what's with "cowabunga"? Wouldn't "Geronimo!" have been more appropriate? Cowabunga should be yelled 'after' the printer hits her.
I'm pretty sure Michaelangelo the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle yelled "Cowabunga" while jumping off on things and onto (or very near) other people, so it wasn't totally inappropriate. It was my understanding that you yell "Geronimo" when throwing YOURSELF out of a window/off a ledge and onto someone. *shrug* Perhaps it's just a question of personal preference, though.
ReplyDeleteI love that he had awesome "surpise" planned ahead of time.
ReplyDeletePrinters are dirt cheap. Often, it's cheaper to buy a new printer than the toner alone.
ReplyDeleteI bet this guy adhered and was trying to find something useful to do with all the printers laying around.
the printer was a gift. apparently you require gifts to be given to you in a specific way, and thats just sad. accept the gift and say thank you!
ReplyDeleteI might be the only lady who thought that his "surprise" was hilarious! Date on, printer hater.
ReplyDeleteNikki.
ReplyDeleteAnon 9:05 had it right. Printers ARE cheap. You can get a very decent inkjet printer for only $20. Many corporations will sell printers at the break-even point, some even willing to take losses to sell printers. These companies make there money by the subsequent sale of ink, which is truly expensive. That's the caveat with printers, cheap to buy but expensive to maintain.
I have a printer that I got, brand new, for *free*. I bought a laptop that, as a special deal, came with a $99 rebate on a printer...so I bought a $99 printer.
DeleteI've hardly used it, since I already had a perfectly good printer, but when I've tried to give it away, it seems like everyone else *also* already has a perfectly good printer. :)
around here, you can get a decent DATE for around $20.
ReplyDeleteGood to know, Coriolanus. It's obvious the last time I bought a printer was quite some time ago. :P
ReplyDelete