Insanity To Go

Submitted by Jeff:

I met Rita online. Her profile was interesting and she was quite attractive. We met up for a drink at a local watering hole and really hit it off. We laughed, had lots to talk about, and had similar interests.

When it was time to take her home, we ended up making out in my SUV. It progressed to the point that... let's just say I took care of her needs... and she promised to return the favor on our subsequent date.

Our next date was scheduled a couple of days later.  I had planned to pick her up at her place after work. She told me to pick out a movie and a place to eat around her neighborhood and to call her before I left the office.

I left my job at a local newspaper with a movie listings tear sheet from that day's paper. Not knowing her neighborhood, I had no idea about the restaurants in her area or which theater was closest. When I called her, it was from my cell phone stating that I was on my way. She scolded me for not calling from work before I left, like I was told to do. My bad.

I parked right at the front doors to her building and buzzed up. She said she'd be right down. I waited patiently in my car for about 10 minutes before she finally entered my truck.

She seemed a bit cold and asked what restaurant I had picked out. I told her that I wasn't familiar with the area, so I would leave it up to her.  She said, "Hmph... okaaaaay... then what movie are we going to see?"

I pulled out the listings and asked her which theater was closest (so I could decide on a movie).  She looked at me in disbelief and said, "So you didn't plan anything for this date?"

I bit my tongue and said that if we drove down to an area that I was familiar with, I'd be able to pick out the place to eat and the movie.  She said okay to this.

Damn... now, we had to drive about 15 minutes from there to an area I knew and on the way there, she said, "You know, you didn't even open the door for me when I arrived."

I replied, "You didn't come downstairs for what, 20 minutes?"

She said, "That's because you didn't call me from work like you were supposed to!"  Red flags were beginning to magically appear before my eyes.

We got to the restaurant and made idle chit chat, but there was a definite tension in the air and I was beginning to regret this date. After about 10 minutes, we hadn't been acknowledged by anybody and I began to look around the place from my seat wondering if we were going to get served.

Rita looked at me and said, "What's your problem? Why do you keep looking around and not at me?  If you didn't want to go on another date, you could have just said so."

I replied, "If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be here." Trust me, I had snappier things to say, but I let it go and started thinking less about the date and more about the après-date activity which was promised the first date... but that seemed less likely to happen unless this turned around.

I made more small talk but it was received with cold, short answers. We finally were served and when the food arrived, she sat there not touching any of it. I said "If you aren't having fun on the date, you should at least enjoy the food."

She retorted, "Why are you being such an asshole?"

I said, "Listen, if you have internal demons you have to deal with, you should really do so before going out on dates!"

She started crying!  Tears streamed down her face, but thankfully no blubbering.  I continued to eat, not saying anything to her and she just sat there with eyes welled up.  It was very awkward and we sat in silence until I finished my meal.

When the waitress came over, I asked for the bill and she brought it and then Rita finally started to dig into her food. She looked up and said, "I'm not done yet."

I said, "That's fine."  She purposely took small bite after small bite and sipped her beverage slowly, giving me a sly grin, knowing that it was bugging the hell out of me.

Finally, I told her that I had to pay using debit and went up to the waitress station.  I paid and then I walked right out and went home. Yep, I left her there and felt damn good about it, thank you very much. Sure, I could have stuck her with the bill too, but I think she'd need all her money to spend on therapy.