Submitted by Ann:
I met Bill at a local mall while I was looking for a birthday present for my then-boyfriend. Bill worked in a video game store, and we became friends. After my breakup, Bill and I hung out more often, and it was pretty clear that he was interested in more than mere friendship. I liked him also. He was stressed about what to do, so I suggested we just take things slowly.
He countered with a complex set of ideas on how to transition our friendship into a relationship. One of his bullet points, "Change 'hanging out' to 'dating,'" seemed unnecessary. However, I agreed to go out on a date with him, although I wasn't sure how it would be different from regular hanging out with dinner and a movie, except for maybe the addition of something physical. I already liked him as more than a friend, so what was the difference?
He seemed really anxious to impress me from early on. He was excessively polite, and paid for everything. I told him that I liked him because of who he was, as opposed to who he was trying to be, but that didn't seem to change anything up. All through dinner, he was way too attentive and accommodating. It made me uncomfortable.
Finally, I tried a new tactic. I told him that he was upsetting me because he wasn't listening to me when I asked him to just relax and be himself. He became defensive and repeated, "I am being myself," over and over.
It got to the point of ridiculousness... I dropped a pea on my napkin and he grabbed a new napkin for me. If I sneezed, he'd ask me if I was okay. I couldn't take it anymore and I finally told him to relax or that things weren't going to work out.
He was quiet for the rest of the date, but he was obviously simmering, casting me dark looks and mumbling to himself. The date ended and he called a week later to tell me that he didn't things were going to work out. It was a nice call to receive.
(Way too) Nice guys never finish.. ever.
ReplyDelete"it was pretty clear that he was interested in more than mere friendship" - That is the case most of the time. He'd rather hang out with you and forgo his buddies because you have boobs.
ReplyDeleteNice is a euphemism for "weak". Weak is not attractive and by trying too hard this guy blew any chance he may have had. Unfortunately, a lot men are unaware of this not keeping their emotions in check falling victim to the "too happy to be there" syndrome.
If you were a shitty person, then you could have bilked him out of time and money because he would have happily been your doormat.
Chicks just want a guy they are physically attracted to for which they are interested in and is not a pushover but in a sense a challenge. You always hear about the nice guy and the asshole/macho guy. The guy who falls in between these extremes is what women are looking for.
But of course there are always the outliers. For instance, some women want a nice guy to dominate because they are into power and control more so than a romantic relationship.
is it just me or is this written very awkwardly?
ReplyDeletenice guys don't finish last, I hate hearing that. usually a woman isn't attracted to them because they act like pussies. We don't want a pushover. and in our defense, assholes are never assholes upfront, it may take us a while to see through their plays...
ReplyDelete5:02 was right, we want men who have lives of their own, aren't pushovers, don't grovel, or act like lap dogs.
and, I hate how people have these notions that jsut because you liek someone, their obligated to like you back. They just might not be into you!
The guy was obviously nervous and was trying his best, albeit a little too hard, maybe a little tolerance and time would have sorted it out?
ReplyDeleteIt would be interesting to hear the other side of this.
Tolerance and time? Ugh. I've dated those "bending over backwards because I'm SOOOOOO grateful you're dating me" types before, and they don't get better over time, they get worse. They use their niceness and over-eagerness to please to make you feel guilty any time you disagree with them over something or want to hang out with your other friends or, GOD FORBID, break up with them because the chemistry isn't there. It's a form of emotional abuse, frankly. She did the right thing by looking for someone who can hold his own in a relationship and not lay there like a worshiping puppy.
ReplyDeleteWhen a girl says they want to be treated nicely, they don't mean it. They just want to lay there and let you "take your pleasure".
ReplyDeleteLOL, 12:40!!!!
ReplyDeletewhat do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? nothing, that bitch done been told twice.
ReplyDeleteThe OP sounds a bit jerky.
ReplyDelete