Abort, Retry, Fail

Submitted by Laura:

Tim was in my computer class.  He was quiet and never said much, which was refreshing in a school full of jocks, preppies, and screaming Twilight fans.  I struck up a conversation with him one day, and he asked me out to a movie.

He picked his nose during the entire two hours in the theater.  When he'd find a good one, he'd pull it out, inspect it, and flick it away, onto the floor.  I never imagined that he could find two hours worth of boogers up his nose, but two hours worth he certainly found.  I kept my hands in my lap, afraid that he'd reach for one.

When the film was over, I asked him how he liked it.

He stuck his finger in his mouth and said, "Gross," then asked me if I wanted to see something neat that he was working on.

We went to a nearby cafe and he pulled out his laptop.  He clicked on a program called, "School Simulation," and handed me the laptop.

I looked up at him.  "What do I do?"

He said that I should write in anything that I would say at school, like hello to a teacher or ask the answer to a math problem or greet a friend.

I typed in something like, "Hi, did you do the homework?" and hit enter.

The program responded, "BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH!!!"

He smiled at me.  I asked him what it meant.  He said that it was a fairly accurate representation of a conversation with the girls at our school.  He then asked me to try again, but I didn't, so he typed in, "Hi Jenny.  It is a lovely day, isn't it?"

The computer wrote back, "BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH!!!"

He swiveled the computer to me and he asked me to type in a question to a teacher.  Reluctantly, I wrote, "What was the assignment?"

"BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH!!!"

Tim said, "See?  Isn't it a great simulator?  That's exactly what it's like."

Hmmm.  No.