Back in 2004, I had a profile up on a popular dating site for a few months. Whenever I'd find an attractive woman who had similar interests to my own, I would write her a message. Not too long, not too short, but one that said a little about myself, asked her some questions about herself, and ended with a friendly close.
Out of over four dozen messages that I sent out, I received perhaps three responses. I would very occasionally receive first contact messages, mostly from women without photos or from women whose profiles were none too attractive to me.
Here I was, being honest, but like it or not, honesty didn't seem to be paying off. I'm perfectly willing to believe that a particular personal attribute was unattractive to most women on this certain site, but, well, here I was paying for a monthly subscription, and I had no viable bites.
That was, until, I attempted an experiment. I created a false profile in which I billed myself as a cellular technology entrepreneur who had sold his company to AT&T and was therefore able to retire at 26. I wrote a paragraph about my yacht and otherwise did my utmost to come across as a complete asshole:
"I'm a 26-year-old telecom entrepreneur who has had the immense good fortune to sell his company to AT&T in the midst of the dot-com boom. As such, I have found myself unexpectedly wealthy and suddenly able to enjoy the finer things in life, to which, I have found, I rightfully deserve.
"The buck stops with me, and I don't take no for an answer. Reservations at the best restaurants? I don't need them. Admission to the best clubs and events? Mine. A vacation anywhere in the world? Possible in a moment. You know what? I love it, and the only thing that a man who has everything does not have is a woman. That's where you fit in.
"My ideal mate will love being on the water. My yacht, the Sky Magnificence, is anchored in New York Harbor, and I take her out regularly. She (my mate, not the yacht - ah, levity!) will support me in all of my endeavors, and understand that, while I will at times be away on long stretches of business, she will be pampered like a goddess and treated like a princess, in so much in that I am worshiped in turn. I want a woman who knows what she wants and will submit to a man with the requisite discipline and passion..."
Etc.
I made the profile on a Thursday. By the following Monday morning, I had thirty messages in my e-mailbox:
"OMG U HAV A BAOT? CAN I GO FOR A RIDE? I'LL GIVE YOU A 'RIDE' IN EXCHAGNE. lol."
"Dear Sir: I read your profile and believe that we have a lot in common. I also like boats and cellular technologies. Please write back so that we can further discuss our relationship."
"My friend and I read your profile and we both want to meet you. Can you take us out to dinner?"
"As an entrepreneur myself, I was pleased to read that you also enjoy the finer things. I run a homemade cosmetics line and would love to make your acquaintance. You may send a car for me at the following date and time, and over dinner, we can discuss our future further, if you so desire."
"Thank G-d. Finally, a real man on this stupid site! You're exactly what I've been looking for. A little about me: I'm 22, have passion, discipline, and ABSOLUTELY LOVE the water. Interested?"
"Easy equation to solve: I like sunbathing naked. You have a boat."
"Sky Magnificence is such a beautiful name! Did you name your yacht yourself? I always wondered how boats are named. There's probably a lot you can teach me. There's also a lot I might be able to teach you, lol! There's a lot we can probably teach each other..."
Ah, good times.
Typical.
ReplyDeleteSo many whores...so little time!
I hope you were able to continue the little game and actually meet some of these skanks and fool them into thinking you were rich and got a little action on the side!
go out with these women!! rent a limo. go to the marina, point out a yacht, say its yours but its being upgraded so you cant use it. slip a bouncer at an exclusive nightclub a twenty. that will get you far. get a bottle a cheap champaigne, put a $200 price label on it. you can do it!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 1:09 is right. Have some fun with this! Most people never get this opportunity.
ReplyDeleteJust like the women who emailed you and were ignored, you're probably just unattractive. Stop trying to date out of your league. There's no shame in being ugly... so long as you don't think you deserve a 10 when you yourself are in the 3's or 4's. Then you're not only ugly, you're delusional.
ReplyDeleteAhahaha, 1:48! I loved that story!
ReplyDeleteYeah, and what do you think happens if a woman posts a supermodel pic on a dating site and says she needs a man to lounge around her mansion and get blowjobs all day?
ReplyDeleteThanks for story, Captain Obvious.
I've read this before on boredatwork and I doubt you are the person that actually wrote it in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI am, actually. JMG.
ReplyDeleteA majority of women out there are gold diggers but are kidding themselves by thinking they are not. You might come across these women. They like to put "financially stable" in their dating profiles. It's a code word for "must be well off" but they try to fool you by saying "oh it's to avoid lazy guys." The laziness would be part of their personality in any case so it's really unnecessary to put such statements in dating profiles, which goes back to my point that most women are looking for a guy to "take care of them."
ReplyDeleteI suspect that most negative comments on this story are from women, knowing deep down inside they would have been pissed responding to a dating ad where the guy said he was wealthy but was actually not.
Nice work, Detective. You have all women figured out. As the above commenter stated, all of the negative comments must be from women because we all know deep down we are truly gold digging whores. You found us out!
ReplyDeleteWhat do you intend to do with this information? Time to switch teams, you think?
lol @ all this hate.
ReplyDeleteObviously this dude knows that guys are just as, if not more, shallow than girls. That's not the point. It's just funny.
I wonder why you're looking for someone on a dating site. Who wouldn't want a bitter, self-rightous misogynist as their one and only? I imagine you have to beat off the ladies with both hands.
ReplyDeleteSign me up! If your outlook on love is anything like your outlook on life, I bet you're a pleasure to be around.
Haha, I've read all of JMG's posting at ubersite with the adventures in J-Date. I think that's how I found this site... I don't remember. JMG's ubersite ones are still, by far, my favorite to read.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Anonymous 4:38 PM, the tragic fate of 'nice guys' like you is, ummm, impossible to understand.
ReplyDeleteAnd all men are arrogant idiots who demand love and sex without putting forth any work, self-righteously calling themselves “nice guys” when women fail to grovel at their feet. They claim that the problem lies with women when in fact they are simply too lazy, vain, delusional to take responsibility for their own actions and admit that perhaps something about themselves isn’t perfect.
ReplyDeleteSound about right, Anonymous 4:38?
Wow, so many bitter people in these comments. Yes, some women are gold diggers, and yes, some men are assholes, but there are plenty of nice girls and guys out there. My boyfriend and I are currently dirt poor and living in a crappy apartment, but I love him and wouldn't trade my relationship with him for all the rich guys in the world. You just have to find the right person for you.
ReplyDeleteI for one would like to see MORE of the responses he received !
ReplyDeleteHey I never claimed to be perfect. I am a nice guy, no need for sarcastic quotes, everyone I know tells me I'm a good guy, nice guy, etc. I'm just too much of a coward to approach women most of the time, in bars especially, and even when I do they seem more interested in my bank account than personality. Then they end up going home with some douche with spiky hair, possibly a fake tan, hence my bitterness. I got plenty wrong with me, non-confrontational, commitment/intimacy/trust issues, but still gotta be better than the mooks these superficial chicks end up with. And no, I don't really view it as quite that black and white, I do have female friends after all, it just seems that any and all prospective "mates" fit this narrow stereotype, which leads to frustration and angry internet venting.
ReplyDeleteHEY! Anonymous 5:06, you got as all wrong. No man demands love and sex when sex alone will do.
ReplyDeleteSorry, JMG, but an honest-to-god professional gold digging whore would do extensive background checks on you before agreeing to a date. All you got were amateur gold digging whores. Sigh. They give career GDWs like me a bad name!
ReplyDelete"Then they end up going home with some douche with spiky hair, possibly a fake tan, hence my bitterness."
ReplyDeleteDude you gotta have swagger or no girl will ever go out with you. Do you honestly believe the spiky hair, orange skin douchebags you see in the bars are rich and successful people??? They're not THAT convincing. You're also confusing "end up with" with "successful relationship." If all you're looking for is short term relationships just lie about what you do and what you're interested in. Everybody else does.
If you're looking for a committed relationship with an ATTRACTIVE woman you don't want to look at dating sites. An attractive woman does not need to use a dating site, no matter how socially awkward or shy she is. For guys it's different because girls demand more than hot face hot body. At best you'll get gold-diggers. At worst you'll get crack fiends with crazy exes coming to get you.
@10:12
ReplyDeleteeeek a black widow run!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Freakin' amazing, I love it! Ironically, I did the opposite on a dating site, and ended up meeting a lot of men. My profile started out something like..."I'm an educated, slightly air-headed goofball with absolutely no directional sense, even with a map. I spell like a 3rd grader, have big feet, a tatoo on my butt and drink diet coke and beer (but not together)." You would not believe the positive responses I received from men. So what does this say about the women in your experiement and the men in mine? I'm cringing at being female right now!
ReplyDeleteThat kind of confidence is appealing for a lot of women, even if the guy is an asshole. Had the post said something like, "I make a lot of money and have a fantastic boat, but you probably won't want to see it because nobody really likes me once they meet me..." those same women probably would not have been interested. Even if a guy is educated and caring and attractive, there's a level of suspicion with dating websites because women will eventually wonder why the guy in question isn't picking up women by more conventional means. If they guy is an asshole right in their profile, the mystery is solved.
ReplyDeleteGreatest. Post. Evah.
ReplyDeleteI'll come back around later to read the comments, which I'm sure will be full of gold-digger-haters... ;)
Hey, JAZ, that tells me that there are a lot of foot fetish freaks out there that would love to do, um, things to your "big feet."
ReplyDeleteUm...Is she Jewish?
ReplyDeleteDating sites are not just for ugly nerds, people. It's just an easy way to weed out what you don't want. Such bitterness! A healthy dose of cynicism is great, but seriously now..
ReplyDeleteI'm going to rename my dog "Sky Magnificence" in honor of this post.
ReplyDelete