1/07/2010

Something Condoms Won't Prevent

Submitted by Adam:

I met Janet online.  She seemed sweet, attractive, and most importantly, sane.  I picked her up at her house with the intent of bringing her to dinner and playing it by ear afterward.  Maybe a walk, maybe ice cream, who knows?

We exchanged the usual first date nervous pleasantries when she blurted, "Did you bring a condom?"

Uh... well... er...

"Yes," I said, although I didn't have any plans to use it that night.  I figured that most guys traveled prepared.

"Turn around.  Take me home."

"Are you serious?  I hadn't planned to use it tonight."

"Then why bring it?  Take me home."

"What if I threw it away?  Then I wouldn't have it anymore and you could go back to liking me."

She shook her head.  "Take me home right now.  Do you want me to scream?"

No.  I took her straight home.  She slammed my car door closed.  Psycho.
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12 comments:

  1. Anonymous1/07/2010 10:30 AM

    Well that certainly would never be a commercial for Durex.
    FAIL

    ReplyDelete
  2. Claire (and Nikki)1/07/2010 11:18 AM

    I bet her version of this bad date would go something like "He seemed really nice online, but when he picked me up, he leered at me and told me that he had brought a condom along. I asked him to take me home please, and he flipped out and tried to throw the condom out the window. I was so scared he was going to rape me that when he finally stopped the car, I leapt out and slammed the door behind me. Psycho."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous1/07/2010 2:13 PM

    She obviously has a different set of morals that you do. I completely agree that this was a Bad Date, but it's better to find out about it now than be teased and dragged alone for weeks/months afterward.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous1/07/2010 2:24 PM

    LEERING is not a crime. Nikki....but it probably never happens to you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous1/07/2010 2:49 PM

    Mee-ouch Anon. 2:24PM. I'm pretty sure Nikki was mocking her. Simmer down.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Claire (and Nikki)1/07/2010 4:20 PM

    I was, indeed, mocking the female date in this post. Unfortunately, not all trolls can detect sarcasm. Genetic defect, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous1/07/2010 6:42 PM

    Who uses condoms? That's like so '00s.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous1/07/2010 9:31 PM

    @ 6:42, I hear ya, a bottle of vodka and plan B, that's the ticket.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Kwame1/08/2010 1:21 AM

    Why make excuses for having a condom? It's a responsible thing to do, and if she has a problem with that, (don't) screw her.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous1/08/2010 11:10 AM

    @ 9:31 - if those fail, go straight to "Plan A"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Unknown1/08/2010 1:01 PM

    @ 11:10 - and if you're still in trouble, continue to 'Plan Coathanger'.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ly1/09/2010 7:27 PM

    Maybe she wanted to go home, so u both could use it ;)

    (or am I the only one thinking this?)

    ReplyDelete

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