Skin-NER!

Submitted by Laurel:

I found a guy online named Rob Skinner.  He came across as nice, but a little jumpy.  He took certain things I said the wrong way, as if I wanted to start a fight with him, which I didn't.  He told me that people always made fun of his name, but I didn't press him any further on it, as it was obviously a sore subject.

When we met up in person, he seemed grumpy, and when I asked him what was wrong, he told me that it was nothing.  Okay.

We sat down to lunch and he asked me if I thought his name was funny.  I told him I didn't think so.

Then, he launched into a tirade about how he hated The Simpsons.  How the character of Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers ("Skin-NER!") had ruined his childhood.  Everyone from classmates to teachers to professors to his own parents (?) would make fun of him, he said.

"Who'd you skin today, Skinner?"

"Skin-NER!"

"Look out for your skin!  Here comes Skinner!"

And so on.  I told him that I didn't think his name was a big deal at all, and then asked him if he was in a bad mood because someone had teased him.  He didn't answer.

We ended up walking out by a creek.  He picked up a stick.  I asked him if it bothered him so much, why not change his name?

He stopped walking and said, "I shouldn't have to change for the world.  The world should change for me!"

He raised his arm behind his head, presumably to throw the stick into the creek, and ended up clocking me in the head with it.  Hard.

He took the time to throw the stick into the creek, then turned back to me.  "What happened?" he asked, as if he didn't know.

I started laughing, I couldn't help it.  "Skin-NER!" I said through the pain.

Ooh.  He didn't like that.  Not one bit.  He stepped toward me, and I felt sure he was going to hit me.  "What the hell?" he yelled, "You're one of them!  Fuck this!"

He kicked at the ground and took off.

That was the last I saw of Skin-NER!