Submitted by Starr:
I met Ian on an online dating site. He seemed a bit dorky online, but he was nice. We exchanged a few text messages and finally agreed to meet up one night.
He said he didn't have a car and asked if I could go pick him up. This was definitely not a good sign to me, but I reluctantly agreed.
Seeing as how we had both attended the same high school I figured he didn't live too far. But boy did he ever. Not only was it far away, but it was completely secluded and out in the middle of nowhere in a forested area.
I finally got to his house and he wasn't as attractive as his photos had shown, but he seemed okay. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. We left his house to go get something to eat.
On our way to the restaurant he started telling me about his last date. He grew very morose as we passed up a small creek. Then he recounted the incident:
It was their first date and the weather was very stormy. She went to go pick him up and they had a great time. She was beautiful and a teacher. While on their way back to drop him off they were driving over the small bridge by the creek. There was water pooling, but they decided to go for it. The car was swept away by a flood. He was able to get out and grab onto a tree, but they found her body several days later.
She was all he could talk about throughout the entire date. I drove him home and was cautious as I drove by the creek. I went home and looked up his story. It was all true.
Needless to say, I just didn't feel very comfortable going out with him again. He had obviously been through a traumatic event and was not over it. I wished him well and never spoke to him again. I sure hope he has his own car by now. By 24, he really should have had his own.
Sometimes things happen in people's lives where they can't currently afford a car. I am now 26, and just got a car again, after not having one for 4 years. I lost everything I had in a hurricane except for my car, and had to sell it to afford a plane ticket to move in with friends across the country. It took me that long to start fresh, and finally be able to get a loan, car, insurance, etc. Be fortunate you have one. He's probably embarrassed enough to not have one, and doesn't need the judgement.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a song, "Girls don't like boys. Girls like cars and money."
After all of that, you seriously can't get over the fact that he didn't have a car? Step off your high horse and take the time to realize that not everyone is blessed with wealth. For all you know, he may have had a medical condition that left him unable to drive.
ReplyDeleteYes, this was a bad date due to his emotional trauma. But give him a break.
That's a damn sad story... I'm impressed the guy can even get in a car and go over that creek, especially on a date, and with the date driving, just like before... man oh man.
ReplyDeleteI would lower your expectations on the car thing though; if he has his license then at least you know it's funding thing and not a i-just-sponge-off-others thing.
Sounds like he just wanted someone to talk to, not a date.
ReplyDeleteI agree with a lot of these comments. A lot of people don't have cars. I didn't have one all through college since I was spending my money on school instead. I just recently bought a car again a year ago when I was 24.
ReplyDeleteThis guy doesn't sound too bad, just really sad. Did he mention how long ago all that happened? If you're his first date since the incident then of course it would make him think about it more and want to talk about it.
Maybe he didn't have a car b/c he was traumatized by the date?
ReplyDeleteI feel so bad for him, and now he has to deal with finally going on a date with someone and having them not call him anymore.
And who's to say it's a bad thing for a guy to need a girl to pick him up? It's not like guys haven't been carting our gold-digging asses around for 50+ years worth of dates.
Not having a car and not having a job or your own place can point to signs of A LOT being wrong with a person. You guys don't have the full story. My fiance doesn't have a car and I don't think any less of him. So try not to judge me based on that. You guys instantly latch on to one thing. Grow up.
ReplyDeleteNuh uh, folks. I'm with Starr on this one. In America, an adult without a car (except in Manhattan) is definitely a red flag, and Starr is right to be suspicious. The majority of adults that I know who do not have a car have had their licenses revoked for drunk driving. A couple of them have medical problems that keep them from driving, which at first date stage is a legitimate deal breaker. And one gal who got rid of her car to save money to go back to school, but who is calling her family to give her rides everywhere. Plus for all you commenters who "feel sorry for the guy" and are critical of this lady for not getting down with him in his pain, it's not the job of women to be caretaker to every pathetic guy out there; why should she be expected to mother a man she doesn't even know? (Starr posted her comment as I was editing this one; way to go, girl!)
ReplyDeleteThat's ridiculous. Manhattan is not the only place where you don't need a car. Many places (not just big cities, either) have good public transit, and I wouldn't call it a red flag for someone living in *any* such place to not have a car.
DeleteFor environmental and financial reasons, I've often wished I could do without a car. (I can't, since I'm a musician who often performs in out-of-the-way places.)
With a car-eating creek like that nearby, no wonder he didn't own a car of his own.
ReplyDeleteStarr's comment doesn't make any damn sense though. In one sentence, she says that people without cars are highly suspect. Then in the next breath, she says that her fiance--the man she's going to "spend the rest of her life with"--doesn't have a car, and yet she doesn't think any less of him.
ReplyDeleteWhich is it, Starr? Are people of a certain age without cars obviously horrible people who can't hold jobs or date nice, normal, supportive people, or are they nice people who just have other reasons for not having cars? Don't be such a goddamned hypocrite.
And PS: Hardly anyone who commented above you (with the exception of the usual trolls, and you really need to ignore them) slammed this guy for not having a car at his age. Many were supportive, in fact. So jump off it.
Nope, actually Nikki, I said People that don't have a car, or a job, or their own place are highly suspect. Don't take my sentence out of context to make your own statement. READ! Obviously you're just wanting to be rude. My fiance has a job and a place of his own. It's a combination of things that can make someone suspect that things may not be entirely okay with someone.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to defend myself anymore than I already have. It is my CHOICE to not have continued seeing that person and I know I made the right choice. I wished him well. I do hope he is well. The point is that he was not at a place to be dating anyone. He had serious issues and yes, they may have stemmed from the unfortunate traumatic accident, but no matter what the reason he was just not ready. Peace.
ReplyDeleteStarr, you just proved Nikki's point over again: You said that if people don't have a car OR a job OR their own place then they are suspect. Do you know what the word "or" means?
ReplyDeleteStarr and Nicki... 3some?
ReplyDelete@4:15 Public transportation exists outside of Manhattan. I live in Chicago and *maybe* a quarter of my friends have cars. It's really easy and less stressful to live without one in a city.
ReplyDeleteyep... OR.... what a word. Apparently it sepparates thoughts and ideas from one another to distinguish each from a group, thus making their own group.
ReplyDeleteLong story short, using "or" the way you did Starr means that you have a problem with someone not having any of those items, not a combination or all three. The word "and" on the other hand...
@2:01
ReplyDeleteGood Charlotte, FTW
Anon 5:59, do please forgive me for not listing every major U.S. city with workable mass transit in my original comment.
ReplyDeleteYou "or" people are morons. Her meaning was clear. Plus, you are technically incorrect. In formal logic, NOT (having a car OR having your own place OR having a job) is equivalent to (NOT having a car AND NOT having your own place AND NOT having a job).
ReplyDeleteThat said, saying that "by 24, he really should have had his own [car]" is ignorant and offensive, although it's possible it came off differently before it was edited.
Am I crazy or did Starr pull the "no job, no home" thing in after the fact? She didn't mention in the original story that he was without a job or home, just a car, right?
ReplyDeleteI think the poor guy who had already been through such an awful trauma dodged a bullet not having to spend any more time with someone who is so incredibly shallow and judgmental. Not every date is going to be a match and that's fine, but the level of insensitivity she displayed here is pretty mind-blowing. I wish her fiance well! Hope he gets a car soon.
@4:30 ... win!
ReplyDelete@5:19 -- No, I have a car AND a job AND a home, so I'm obviously way too good for Starr, who is an insensitive bitch, and for good measure, probably fat to boot. Surprised the bridge didn't break when she drove over it.
ReplyDeletePS: I'm glad I reread this late enough that I didn't have to re-explain Starr's comment to her. Thank you, everyone.
i love Nikki's comments on this site :P
ReplyDeleteI feel a little bit sad for the guy. But I feel way more sad for Starrs fiancé! The poor guy!
ReplyDeleteI gotta say something. If your family isn't blessed with wealth, and you are a high school student, as was the case of the original story, Starr just made a complete ass of herself. I am a high school student myself, and although i do not have a car in my name, i am lucky enough to have one that i am able to drive on my own. But being a high school student, I do not have my own home. Also, due to the economic situation the way it is, I have been unable to acquire a job. Seems like Starr just thinks that everyone should have exactly what she has at all walks of life, regardless of personal issues. I personally think this guy has a lot of guts to go out after the woman who he was with was killed and there was nothing he could do about it. Not to mention he is a high school student, where death isn't as common and can be extremely traumatic. For example, my best friend's mother died from MS recently, and he has definitely changed. he doesn't show it, but he has definitely changed on the inside. So Starr, stop being an insensitive bitch and have a little heart for those less fortunate than your spoiled ass.
ReplyDeleteI'm with the rest of 'em. Didn't have a car...jiminy woman. Get over yourself. I'm 40 years old and I don't have a car. I have no desire to own one. I don't have my own house either. I live in an apartment. And I'm okay with that. If a vehicle is that important to you, tell the guy...and he'll probably have enough self respect to tell you to screw yourself. I know I would.
ReplyDelete