Once, Twice, Three, Shoot!

Submitted by Thomas:

Christina and I traded e-mails and one day wrote me, "I'm taking photos this weekend at an abandoned farm, out-of-state.  Want to come?"

Heck yes!

We drove for three hours to what could best be described as an abandoned farm plus a category 5 hurricane.  There was literally nothing there, save a single, rotting wooden wall among a field of wood and metal debris.  She jumped out and I followed her.

She took a number of photographs, then ran into a field and stretched out in the grass.  I followed and sat next to her.

"How'd you find this place?" I asked.

"It belongs to an ex-boyfriend.  He never comes here, though.  Don't worry.  He took me out shooting here."

"Wow."

"I brought my guns with me.  Want to try?"

"Uh... sure."

We went back to her car and she pulled a couple of rifles out of her trunk.  She pointed one at me and said, "Bang!"

I nearly had a coronary and definitely lost my cool.  "What the fuck are you thinking?" I yelled.

She said, "Relax.  It's not loaded.  See?"

She pointed it at the ground and pulled the trigger.  It went off.  We both jumped sky high.  She dropped it.

I said, "I'm done.  That's it."

She said, "It's just the ground.  I didn't shoot you or anything."

I repeated that I wanted to leave.  She said, "If we don't stay, then I'll shoot you."

I knew she was kidding, but that was the last thing she should've said to get me to calm down.  I said, "I don't feel safe hanging out with someone who doesn't even remember loading her loaded weapons."

"Fine!" she shouted, "Be an asshole!"

She threw the guns back into her trunk, climbed into the car, and we took off.  The whole way back, every ten minutes or so, she'd turn to me, almost in tears, and repeat, "You're such an asshole.  You ruined everything!  I hope you're happy."

Whatever.  I'd rather remain living so that I could ruin even more stuff.