Submitted by Joan:
Craig told me that he was running late for our date and would have to show up right from work. When he did show up, he wore a wrinkled, old business suit that he wore as if he had been catapulted into it. Also, the stench from him was horrific.
Instead of sitting across from me at the restaurant where we were meeting, he sat next to me in the booth. I slid away from him and asked him if he wouldn't mind sitting across from me, as I preferred to be able to talk across a table.
His response? "Yowza. Swing and a miss!" He moved to the other side of the table, and came off as a used car salesman, but instead of selling used cars, he was selling himself.
"Well, I have a healthy amount of sexual experience. I've been told that I'm a great lay, but how would I know? I don't fuck myself," he said with a grin, then leaned across the table. "Of course, the only way to know is to find out."
I lied, "I'm not too into sex."
He leaned back and said, "You will be once you've had a taste."
I couldn't help myself. I said, "I can only imagine how you taste, given that you smell like horse shit."
He stared at me, then stood up, said, "Okay," and left. Considering who I was on the date with, it went terrifically, from my point of view.
You're my hero.
ReplyDeleteWow. Yeah the guy was pushy but what a hit. There are nicer ways you could have handled the situation than going straight below the belt like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna have to go with Anonymous on this one. It's called "tact"; you might want to try some. Yes, he was obnoxiously referencing sex, but geez louise...
ReplyDeleteYeah, anon is right. That was pretty mean.
ReplyDeleteNo way...! Your comment wasn not only warranted...it was hilarious! You totally put that jackass in his place. Good job! Speaking as a guy, I would never come off that strong and aggressive and actually think a girl will find it a turn on. Wow.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice isn't going to get the stinkarse to start taking showers. Sounds like he left to go cry. LOL.
ReplyDeleteFrom "catapulted into" to "not that into sex" to "horse shit", this was without a doubt the best thing I've read all day. Lady, you're all right.
ReplyDeleteTact? He propositioned her on the first date, in public. Hell I would have pepper sprayed him. It might have improved his odor. Her reaction was hilarious and totally appropiate considering the circumstances!
ReplyDeleteI bet he was a homeless man. Where'd you meet him?
ReplyDeleteYou shoulda let him teabag you while wearing the coat of the suit asnd then let a poop out a s a present.
ReplyDeleteHaha this is my favorite story so far this month. Made my day.
ReplyDeleteWow, Anon 3:03, you feel justified answering rudeness with pepper spray? I hope I never accidentally cut you off in traffic, or take too long at the post office while you're in queue behind me.
ReplyDeletei take it you don't like horses?
ReplyDelete"Well, I have a healthy amount of sexual experience."
ReplyDeletePutting this on my resume.
Amazing. I wish I had the chutzpah to say that to someone's face.
ReplyDeleteZING!
ReplyDelete