Submitted by Nick:
I met Vicki on a train, on my way home from work. We were random commuters, sitting next to each other, but I struck up a conversation with her and she gave me her number. We had a lot to talk about, and it seemed promising.
She showed up twenty minutes late to our first date, at a restaurant, and didn't even apologize. That's a tough faux pas to overcome, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
She sat down and picked up a fork and said, "Ooh! Shiny!"
Just kidding around, I asked her, "Have you never seen a fork before?"
She threw the fork at my chest, really hard. And it really, really hurt.
"What the hell?" I demanded, probably louder than I should have, but really, what the hell?
She shrank back into her seat and murmured, "Sorry. It was just a joke."
"It's violent! What were you thinking?"
She started to cry and wail, and several diners stared at us. I slipped into damage control mode and planned to lean close to her, ask her to stop crying, and try and make things better.
Then, I remembered: bitch just threw a fork at me. Hard. Really hard.
I picked up my coat, said, "This was a bad idea," and left then and there.
"Then, I remembered: bitch just threw a fork at me." Win.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fork!
ReplyDeleteStick a fork in him, he's done.
ReplyDeleteNot excusing the fork throw in any way, cause it was over the top, but you probably sounded douchey saying "have you never seen a fork before?". I think she was nervous and just trying for a laugh or she's a simpleton, either way... But still, total overreaction throwing the fork!
ReplyDeleteUm, it's a fork. Unless she got out of her chair and into a full windup it's not going to "really, really hurt" When it's a knife or Nolan Ryan throwing, then you can complain.
ReplyDeleteAnon 1:17 You've obviously never had a fork thrown at you with real force...its a metal object with very little surface area (gee kinda like a bullet) It hurts bitch!
ReplyDeleteagreed 1:17 forks friggin hurt!
ReplyDeleteAnon 1:17, My little sister threw a fork at me once, it STUCK in the wall behind me. I could imagine it would really hurt.
ReplyDeletePersonally I would have found the date inexcusable after having to wait for 20 min. But thats a pet peeve of mine!
Good in a way he left. He doesn't know that as he dates / starts loving / marries her, she is slowly gonna bring out her other cutlery (knife, steak knife, large killer knife, tear-stained accusation knife, do-or-die knife, baby spoon)for the delicious meal of a man's heart with side-helpings of his income. This guy should live alone.
ReplyDeletei feel sorry for her.
ReplyDeleteshe obviously was stupidly nervous.
I hope she caught the cancer.
ReplyDelete1:17 is a geigh. Go drink another protein shake and gel your hair.
ReplyDeletehaha, Nick you arse. She was obviously nervous. back to basement dwelling for you...
ReplyDelete