Footloose

Submitted by Angela:

Ben was a friend of a friend.  He showed up to the date without shoes.  Or socks.  Or any footwear of any kind.  His feet were filthy and had so much dirt under his toenails that I wondered if he had ever washed them.

I asked him flat out, "Where are your shoes?"

He said, "I'm an ascetic."

I said, "Where can we go that won't mind the fact that you're not wearing shoes?"

"No one will notice."

They noticed all right.  We hit up three restaurants, each of whom with a host/hostess who promptly showed us the door.  Ben became more and more frustrated.

"They're infringing on my religious beliefs," he said.

I asked him, "You don't normally have this problem when you go out?"

He said, "I don't normally go out.  I'm too busy dreaming."

Not long after, he broke away from me and hurried across a street.  I had guessed that he had seen something of interest on the other side of the road, but he collapsed to the ground in the middle of the street.

Apparently, he stepped on something.  Blood dribbled out from the bottom of his right foot, and he sat there in the middle of the road, calmly fishing out the sliver of glass or metal or whatever it was. 

When he was done, he stood up and limped about.  He turned to me and said, "I think that we're done, here.  You probably prefer a guy who wears shoes."

That made me sound superficial, but I kind of do prefer a guy who takes good care of himself and keeps himself clean.  Thus we parted ways.