Submitted by Jayna:
I met Ralph online. He said that he was a guitarist. We talked for a couple of weeks and he said that he wanted to play his guitar for me in person. I thought that it was a nice idea, and we made plans to meet up for a picnic.
The day of the date, he called me up to tell me that he was outside of my house, ready to go. I went downstairs and opened the door.
He stood there with his acoustic guitar, and as soon as he saw me, he started ripping away at it with no chords that I recognized. He played it as if it was his first time playing it, accompanied by loud, screamy vocals.
I cringed throughout, and at the end of his set, he hoisted the instrument by its neck and smashed it, full force, onto my stoop, missing me by mere inches. I screamed and jumped back.
"Hi," he said, "I'm Ralph. Was that sexy or what?"
I had nothing to say. No words came out. I froze.
He stepped towards me. "Kiss me," he said. At that moment, sense kicked in and I stepped back and closed the door. He waited outside for a long time, then left, leaving his shattered guitar all over my porch.
Wow... just, wow. No warning signals at all? Really? Cause that is MESSED UP.
ReplyDeleteSeconded.
ReplyDeleteIs this standard guitarist behavior?
If he was a real rock star you would have banged him on the spot.
ReplyDeleteThat would be why the women I know don't date musicians. Well, that and the fact that they are really expensive to support.
ReplyDeleteI feel like he lied about being a guitarist, went to a thrift store, bought a guitar to put on a little show and smashed it so he couldn't be asked to play anything else. haha.
ReplyDeleteI'm more concerned with the fact that you gave him your address?! ...For a first date...that you met online...after a "couple of weeks". You really need to be more carefull.
ReplyDeleteUm... His behavior has nothing to do with his "being a musician." It's fairly obvious that he was not a musician. He was simply a nutcase who was either just screwing with the person or a complete simplton if he thought that his behavior a good way to win someone's affection. Also, real musicians and artists of any kind are not "difficult to support." We are good at what we do and live comfortable lives...
ReplyDeleteNot standard guitarist behavior, JMG. This dude just had some extra-strength spaz running through his veins. I mean, instead of heroin or whatever.
ReplyDeleteMusicians are difficult, rather artists of any kind are. We're stubborn, we crave attention, and we're always looking for that next hit of inspiration so we can really be all over the place. But this dude...was no artist.
Someone seems a little sensitive, *cough* Anon12:16 *cough*
ReplyDeleteYeah anon 12:16, a little sensitive perhaps? The only musicians I ever knew were ones that majored in couch surfing but kudos to you if you can make that work out. You're in the minority.
ReplyDeleteJust another example of people thinking musicians are fair game. Most professional musicians I know work very hard at what they do, for long hours and little pay.
ReplyDeleteI want a T-shirt
ReplyDeleteAnon 12:16 sounds like a biblical reference.
ReplyDeleteAnon 12:16 And Anon spake saying "Love me please I'm a musician"
So the gripster actually does us a favor (!) and confirms that musicians have little money and work jobs that take them away for long hours. Not interested. I have my own bills to pay.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're not interested. Who would want a suckhole like you to share their career? Just wondering....
ReplyDeleteWow looks like Thegripster is a little on the edge here, calm the fuck down buddy.
ReplyDeletelol! It seems to me like he just had a wild sense of humor!
ReplyDelete