Submitted by Davlin:
Well Eddie... I was really excited about celebrating your 30th birthday with you last night. I even had chocolate cupcakes and candles! I told everybody to be at the bar.
As soon as you walked into the door and saw me at the jukebox, you tried to put your hands up my skirt. I screamed and told you not to do that. You frowned and walked away.
I still tried to be nice to you. I led you over to the cupcakes that I made for your birthday. I got the bartender to announce the celebration. You did not smile or look amused at all. I even got everyone in the bar to sing you happy birthday.
BUT...
Instead of blowing out the candles... you decided that smashing them with your fist was a better option! I yelled for you to stop. Icing flew everywhere.
You eventually stopped after completely ruining everything.
I asked you nervously if you just didn't like cupcakes. You didn't answer me. I mean... I wouldn't have gone through the effort if you didn't like cupcakes. Oh wait... you TOLD me the day before just how much you loved cupcakes.
I handed you the one last cupcake free from complete destruction. You took it from me and planted it face down in an ashtray. Okay... no cupcakes for anyone.
Then you tried to wipe the icing all over me. I yelled again for you to stop. You then wiped it all over my bar stool and VERY LOUDLY said a bunch of really detailed things that you "wanted to do to me." I guessed that was your way of showing affection.
You then marched out the door. This all happened in the span of 10 minutes.
And then you called me the next morning in between classes and wondered why I had a cold tone of voice. Oh! I shouldn't have blamed you! Oh! I should have forgiven you? OH! You didn't remember!? Let me remind you...
And then you said, "Oh, my bad. I was on meth."
YOU WERE ON METH!?
Worst dating experience ever.
sorry about your experience - but at least you found out he was a douchebag drug user early.
ReplyDeleteI would like some chocolate cupcakes.
ReplyDeleteThat is absolutely disgusting behaviour. Hopefully your time, effort, and affection will be used on someone who deserves it from now on!
ReplyDeleteIf he wonders why you won't return his calls, just say:
ReplyDelete"Oh, my bad. I am not into drug-riddled douchebags."
Don't mind 11:57AM, he's on the meth.
ReplyDeleteI liked that your story was written totally different from the others.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever see him again, even just around you should make him one more batch of cupcakes...and shove them where the sun don't shine.
Actually, I wrote this to him because he didn't know why I was angry and didn't remember anything that had happened the night before. That night I found out he was either a cupcake smashing asshole or someone who does meth recreationally. Not really into either.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading that story I started thinking that the guy was high on something. Glad my gut was right (but still sorry for you).
ReplyDeleteAnother story when the bad date very early on indicates he or she is abosolutely crazy, yet the writer doesn't end the date, instead keeps at it and lets the date get worse. This is when I don't care for the writer anymore and realize I'm reding about 2 crazy people. Why in the f**k do you stick around after he smashes his birthday cupcakes you made for him. Instead of walking away immediately, you ask nervously if he didn't like them! Get away! There are much better guys out there. Ask yourself why you are attracted to insane.
ReplyDeleteYou should have slept with him. Guys high on meth can keep it up for hours.
ReplyDelete@ Anon 9:41
ReplyDeleteMaybe she was already dating/was friends with him and he showed no signs of this previously? I know where you're coming from, but this wasn't one of those situations.
God I hate birthdays.
ReplyDeleteHave to agree with anonymous 9:41 there. It only happened just because you let it.
ReplyDeleteYour fault.
Clearly this is your fault because it's always the writer's fault.
ReplyDelete1. @ anon 9:41, if you read the story, she said it happened within a 10 minute period. that's not exactly "sticking around" cuz 10 minutes is a pretty short period of time and i'm pretty sure she wouldn't have gone out with him if he appeared to be a crackhead previously.
ReplyDelete2. this makes me laugh everytime i read it.
I was actually quite relieved at the Meth part, since reading top-down my thoughts went from, "Wow, he's an ass" to "Is this story about dating a gorilla who escaped from the zoo" to "Dear god, please tell me nobody on earth actually acts this way."
ReplyDeleteMeth may not be an excuse, but it's a reason, at least. Whew.