Trick or Treat

Submitted by Alex

Vanessa, my girlfriend of three months, heard about a Halloween party being thrown by someone at where she worked and announced to me that we were going.  This was about ten minutes before she planned to leave my place for the party, so I had about that much time to find a costume.  She was going as a nurse.  Yes, that kind of nurse.

I found an old sheet and made a toga.

She knew everyone at the party, or so it seemed.  She quickly absorbed herself in the packed apartment, leaving me to fend for myself, which was fine.  I'm good in social situations and soon had my own group of people to talk to.

People were hooking up on the couch and one or two in corners.  I went back to the makeshift bar for another drink.  On my way there, I saw a guy humping a broom handle.  Drink 'til she's hot, I say.

While pouring myself more... whatever it was I was pouring myself, I heard some yells from one of the other rooms.  "Get a room, you two!" and similar.

I had a vague feeling that, if I investigated, I wouldn't like what I would discover.  Turns out that I was right!  My girlfriend of three months was practically fastened, airtight to some douchebag's mouth.  This guy was dressed up like one member of a barbershop quartet.  Where are your other three members, douchebag?  Oh yeah.  You're a douchebag, so they're probably out somewhere without you.  Somewhere that doesn't allow douchebags.  Douchebag.

I removed my sheet, put it over them, said, "Get a room!" and left the party.  We didn't live together, but she still had stuff at my place, so when I made it home, I moved all of her stuff onto the front porch.

Maybe some kids would mistake her birth control pills for candy.