A Six-Pack and a Guy Named Jookie

Submitted by Kelly:

Before driving over to Jonah's house to meet him for our first date, he texted me, "BRING BEER."  I wasn't sure if he had a particular brand in mind, so I bought a six-pack of Molson.

He answered his door half-dressed.  "Hey," he said, then looked down at the six-pack I was carrying.  "Molson?  Why Molson?  It tastes like ass."

I frowned at this, but couldn't think of anything to say.  He shrugged and turned around.  "Come on in.  I'll be ready in just a sec."

I left the beer at his house and he took me out to a bar.  I asked him why he wanted me to buy beer, and he said that we'd drink it back at the house later on.  I asked him, "Even though it tastes like ass?"

He replied, "I know, right?  Why'd you buy Molson?"

His phone rang.  He picked it up, which is a pet peeve of mine, especially on a date.  He yelled into it, "Jookie, where are you, man?"

He waited for an answer, then grinned into the phone.  "Ah, fuck you, Jookie.  Fuck yooooou."  He started laughing, and I inched my bar stool away from him.

Twenty minutes later, Jookie showed up.  Jookie had to have been about six-and-a-half feet tall, about 35, and was wearing his Minnesota Vikings hat backwards.

Jonah excused himself to go to the bathroom ("I gotta shit.  Hey Jookie, fuck yoooooou!") and Jookie took Jonah's seat.

Despite the fact that he looked like he had survived an unfortunate incident with a taffy-pulling machine, Jookie turned out to be a pretty funny guy.  In fact, I began pretending that I was on a date with him instead.

When Jonah didn't come out of the bathroom after an hour, Jookie went to check on him.  Jookie came back to inform me that Jonah was gone, although his car was still in the lot.  Jookie tried calling him but it went right to voicemail.

Jookie offered me a ride back to my car, which I accepted.  I even let him kiss me goodnight.

I never heard from either of them again.

Then again, I'm sort of glad that I never had to say, "Mom, Dad... this is Jookie."