Orange You Mad?

Story Submitted by Joe:

During my introductory emails with Delia, we made it onto the topic of favorite nonalcoholic drinks.

"I like orange soda," she said, "How about you?"

I replied, "Hot chocolate, or tea."

She responded, "Have you ever tried orange soda?"

"Yes. Not too into soda."

We moved on to other topics and ultimately set up a dinner date. I picked out a good place, she met me there, we were seated, and the waitress tool our drink orders.

"An orange soda," Delia requested.

The waitress said, "I don't think we have orange soda. We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Root Beer—"

"Orange soda," Delia requested again.

The waitress said, "I'm sorry, Miss. We don't have orange soda."

Delia slammed down her menu and asked,"Do you have seltzer and oranges?"

The waitress stared."Um... yeah."

"Bring me those, then. I'll make my own orange soda, if you won't serve it to me."

The waitress brought a glass of seltzer and an orange. Delia squeezed the orange into her seltzer, then tore open every sugar packet at the table (and there had to have been close to thirty) and poured their contents into the seltzer mix. "So that it's sweet like soda," she explained.

When she was finally through, she stirred the mix with her spoon and sipped it. She made a face and shook her head. "It tastes like crap," she said, "Like liquified sugar."

"That's weird," I offered.

She said, "Why this hoity toity place can't have orange soda is beyond me. You know what? I'll be right back."

She stood and left the restaurant. Our food was served, but I decided that I'd wait 10 minutes for her to return before starting.

Nine minutes later, she returned with a can of orange soda. She asked the waitress for a glass of ice, and she went ahead and poured it and drank. She closed her eyes and smiled.

"How is it?" I asked her.

She belched, long and loud. Several smaller belches followed. I started on my food as she drank and belched, drank and belched. When she finished her soda, she excused herself to go grab another one.

That first date, needless to say, was our last.