The New Romance

Submitted by Darlene:

Henry took me to a late-afternoon wine tasting.  It was a lot of fun, although he seemed quiet and a little shaky.  I did my best to put him at ease (I was nervous, too!) but each time I reached out to him, it seemed to make him retreat a bit more.

We met online, and I was just out of a long-term relationship.  He said that he wanted to go slow, and that was just my speed.

After the wine event, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk in a local park.  It was cooling off, and we'd likely have been able to see the sunset.

We went down a few paths, and finally made it to an overlook by a set of train tracks and a wide river.  I stopped and looked at the landscape.  Henry wrapped his arms around me from behind and gave me a hug.  I thought it was a nice gesture.

Then I felt his boner.

I pulled away slightly, but he held on.  "Henry," I said, trying to brush it off, "Are you ready for dinner?"

He sighed, then said, "I guess.  Can you feel my boner?"

I yanked myself away, creeped out, but still hoping to diffuse the situation with good humor.  "I sure did.  But maybe we could have dinner?"

"Maybe you could have my boner for dinner."

I shifted from "he's an adorable, horny rapscallion" mode to "get away from him" mode.  I said, "It's a little fast, you know, it being a first date.  Maybe we could do dinner and then see how things go?"

"I'm already hard," he said.

"I'd bet that you can make it go hard at least twice in a day, can't you?" I asked, saying anything I could to move us toward his car and away from isolation.

He agreed to this, and we left.  After some discussion, we went to dinner at a good place, all the while the gears were turning... how was I going to escape this guy.

I settled on saying good night right after leaving the restaurant.  We'd be out on a public street.  I began yawning and trying to look droopy-eyed, so as to appear more tired than I actually was.  I mentioned the busy day I had.

As predicted, once we were outside, he said, "So, where to next?" and he patted his crotch.

I said, "I'm really too tired."

He said, "I'd wake you up."

I said, "No.  Take me home."

He stared at me, then laughed.  He must have taken what I said for a joke, because he said, "I'm going to turn around and imagine myself fucking you.  Once I'm hard, I'll turn back around, and if you're still there, then we have to do it.  Got it?"

"If I'm still here?" I confirmed.

"Yes."

He turned around and, while standing on the sidewalk, manipulated himself.  I didn't stick around to find out how fast he could harden.  As quietly as I could, I slipped away and ducked down as many side streets as I could.  At every noise, I turned around to make sure that he wasn't following me.

I made it home on my own, and, thankfully, never heard from him again.