Unhappy Ending

Submitted by Robert:

Back when I tried online dating, I never had a lot of success. Lets be frank, I'm kinda fat and most women just tune you out when you mention this. Imagine my surprise then when a relatively attractive girl named Alice sent me a message, and after a little bit of chatting she said that she'd love to go and have a few drinks with me.

Well, I ended up meeting her at a bar close to her house. I arrived about five minutes early, and she showed up right on time, looking pleased as punch to see me. After a few drinks and chatting for a bit, I felt great. She was smart, read the same kind of books that I do, and even liked the same kind of beer that I do. Seemed like a winner so far.

Then, out of nowhere, Alice asked me if I wanted to trade some secrets. The first secret she told me was about the time she got drunk at a party. Her ex-boyfriend bet her $10 that she wouldn't make out with her best friend, another girl. They had done it, but the ex-boyfriend claimed he hadn't seen, and they ended up making them make out three or four times until he admitted he'd finally seen it. I laughed along with her. It was a funny story, and also kind of hot. Awesome.

I told her about the time I got drunk and accidentally ran into a clear plastic door when someone shut it in my face. It was a bit embarrassing at the time, especially when I fell unconscious as a result, but she laughed and smiled about it.

Then, abruptly, she stopped laughing and looked me in the eye. "I have another secret to tell you.  I had an abortion a couple of months ago." Having said it, she suddenly burst into tears.

Suddenly nothing was fun anymore. Everyone in the bar was looking at us, and I just wanted to leave. Alice wouldn't stop crying, and so I offered to go and get her some napkins.

By the time I'd gotten back she thanked me, and cleaned herself up. She was slowly calming down again, apologizing and wanting to change the subject. She rushed off to get another round of drinks so I'd have time to think of my next story.

I ended up telling another story or two, but I wasn't much into it anymore. Alice kept sniffling and making little noises on the other side of the table, like she would start crying again at any moment. She eventually stopped making comments entirely.

Unable to stand talking to a brick wall any longer, I told her that it was getting late and that I'd better consider going. She looked immediately horrified, and begged me to stay. When I was hesitant, she asked if we could go to my car for some privacy. Considering the glares I was getting from some of the patrons in the bar, I consented.

In the car, we chatted about books we both enjoyed. After a bit, she started kissing down my neck and exploring me with her hands.  Awesome.  There's nothing that can go wrong.

Then she started crying again. "I'm sorry," she told me, "But this is reminding me of my ex-fiancee."

The ex-fiancee apparently convinced her to have the abortion in the first place, claiming that once the procedure was done, they would have a reason to stay close. He broke up with her a week later.

The girl was really sobbing this time, and when your shirt is soaked with tears the last thing on your mind is continuing the date. I sighed, and suggested that maybe things would be for the best if we parted ways.

"Please, don't leave just yet" she told me as tears gushed out of her eyes. She fumbled with the zipper on my pants. "I'll give you a great blowjob."

Instead of the "No thank you, I feel like I would just be taking advantage of the situation" line that I meant to say, all that came out was, "All right."

Now, I know some people have heard the line, "The lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying." Well let me tell you one thing: the blowjob is not better if there's tears running down your shaft.

I dropped her off at her car afterwords, and neither one of us tried to contact the other. I don't think either one of us blames the other very much.